


Secret Agent Man

by YourAnonymousGod



Series: Kingsman Torchwood Crossover AU [1]
Category: Kingsman (Movies), Torchwood
Genre: (later on), Action/Adventure, Amputation, BAMF Ianto, Betrayal, Blood, Blood and Injury, Brother-Sister Relationships, Brothers, Character Death, Crossover, Crying, Dogs, Established Relationship, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Flashbacks, Friendship, Gen, Guns, M/M, Mission Fic, Not Beta Read, POV Eggsy Unwin, POV Ianto Jones, Pre-Season/Series 01, Romance, Saving the World, Suits, Swearing, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26934052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourAnonymousGod/pseuds/YourAnonymousGod
Summary: Ianto spent time with the Kingsman once, so when he's called into their ranks again, Ianto can't say no seeing as saving the world is his job.
Relationships: Gary "Eggsy" Unwin & Ianto Jones, Harry Hart | Galahad/Merlin, Lisa Hallett/Ianto Jones, Roxy Morton | Lancelot & Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Series: Kingsman Torchwood Crossover AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1965304
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28





	1. There's a man who leads a life of danger

**Author's Note:**

> UwU this has een hanging around for a while then i finally wrote it :)  
> Got the 2nd film done too ayyy
> 
> Title is a Johnny River's song oop

_ Sometime between 2005 and 2006, London _

London was surprisingly quiet for the capital city of England, despite its bustling crowds and jam packed traffic, people shouting to acquaintances while strangers kept their heads down and travelled to work. Pigeons dive-bombing and stealing food, crapping on gentleman’s suits, and playing chicken in the road. Business was running smoothly, the tube racing around the underground. Down on Canary Wharf, right by the River Thames, sat Torchwood Tower, a large building shrouded by mystery and interest although most Londoners didn’t give it a second glancing as they were busy with their own lives and couldn’t fathom what went on inside even if they tried. They just knew Yvonne Hartman was the head of the business, and she was not a woman you’d want to be enemies with.

Ianto Jones sat at his desk, right at the top of the tower and just outside Yvonne’s office, typing away at a report on their newest interaction with a guest from space. Called the Stickler, literally people made of sticks, and they were literally a stickler about being described as people made of sticks rather than stick men. Ianto had enjoyed the encounter, he usually did when they were peaceful and it was a break from making coffee - which he also enjoyed - and following Yvonne around and saving the world which happened  _ far _ too often. Some relaxed meetings with alien life forms were much preferred to risking his neck to keep the people of earth alive although he wasn’t the type to let everyone perish because he was fed up with being shot at. But paperwork it was for now and Ianto knew he couldn’t let it go by otherwise he would have to file it away after he had filed everything else and that was just extra work for him.

“Ianto.” He looked up as the doors opened and in strode Yvonne, walking like she was higher than everyone and definitely knew it, but with a smile that told Ianto that even if they would never be on the same level, she liked him.

“Yvonne. How did the meeting go?” Ianto asked politely, setting his pen down and sitting up, making sure his cuffs were shot and his suit smoothed down. His boss had been out on some other business, a meeting with some people Ianto knew nothing more than that even though he had been the one to book the appointment and arrange things.

“It went splendid.” She perched herself on the edge of his desk, brushing her perfectly styled hair back and settling her gaze on Ianto, hands clasped on her knee. “Ianto, I’m going to tell you something secret, I know I can trust you but I need your word on it.”

“Of course,” Ianto was a little taken aback, watching Yvonne. “I swear on the Crown.”

“Good. Okay, you best come into my office.” With that, Yvonne rose up and moved swiftly but effortlessly into her office, Ianto following after her, the report forgotten back on his desk. Yvonne was silent until she had poured them both a small amount of her fancy whiskey into two tumblers, handing him one. “I was meeting the head of Kingsman.”

“Who?” No recollection of the name ‘Kingsman’ came to mind when Ianto thought about it and by Yvonne’s look that was meant to be.

“They’re another secret organisation, independent international intelligence, and they’re set up to protect the people of the world from terrorists and other major threats.” Yvonne explained and Ianto filed that away in his mental Archive, along with the information of UNIT and other covert organisations he had lying about in there. “I met with the head of their operation, goes by the code name Arthur, but he’s really called Chester King, they seem to have a thing for the knights of the round table,” Yvonne laughed gently, taking a sip of her drink. “Besides that, they want to work with us, some terrorists have alien tech they found and I agreed only if I could have a person in their ranks.”

“Okay, I can compile a list of suitable field agents by tomorrow, alphabetical or rank order? I could-” A hand landed on his arm, and he stopped, looking towards Yvonne who had a look on her face that told him to be quiet and let her continue. She sat back in her seat when she was sure Ianto wasn’t going to ramble on.

“I admire your efficiency, Ianto but I want you to take the spot.”

“Me?” He repeated, unable to say much more, as he was speechless, drink held tightly in his fingers.

“Yes. You’re my best field agent Ianto, and I trust you completely, you won’t fail me and I’m entirely confident that you won’t get compromised.”

“Compromised?”

“We cannot fully trust Kingsman, we don’t know much about them.” She confessed and Ianto nodded, shifting his glass from one hand to the other.

“So we’re also spying on them while helping them?”

“I knew you’d get it.” Yvonne winked with a grin. “You’ll be put through a basic training course, learn the ropes and such but I’m sure your Torchwood training is adequate.”

“So, which knight do I get to be?” Ianto asked, less serious now.

“I take this as a yes. You don’t get to be a knight, unfortunately.”

“Damn...”

“Now, you have a report to finish?” Ianto frowned, wanting to be a knight, and finishing off his whiskey before standing up and smiling at his boss.

“You’ll miss my coffee.” He joked and Yvonne cracked a smile and a quiet laugh, swivelling around in her chair to get on with her business.

“Oh, Ianto!” Yvonne called as he was leaving, Ianto stopping just in the doorway to look at her. “You’ll need a new suit.” He looked down at the suit he was wearing, a simple grey one witfh a white shirt and black tie, it was one of his better ones, and he rather liked it.

“What’s wrong with this one?”

~~~

Ianto stood outside the tailor shop that Yvonne had recommended, already knowing this was  _ way _ out of his budget even if Torchwood paid a substantial amount of money, as well as it being fancier than fancy and not something Ianto would ever seem him wearing to work simply because fighting aliens often resulted in the attire getting ruined, and he  _ hated _ his suits getting ruined. But still, standing outside the window and gazing up at the three mannequins holding three different coloured blazers and ties, each of a different style and fabric but all high class with a message that scrambled “I have money but I hide it”. The window has  _ Kingsman _ written across it and if Ianto wasn’t in the loop, he’d have thought it any old tailors shop.

It was a Wednesday, at 3pm, so the shop was open and in full swing although stepping inside, there was no one present so the business clearly wasn’t that busy or no one had the money to buy from it. Ianto gazed around the room, taking it all in and being abruptly hit with nostalgia from standing in his Tad-cu’s tailor shop, young and wide-eyed as he helped customers and Ianto enjoyed looking at the suits. It had been a long time since he’d experienced anything of the sort, his Tad having lost the business soon after inheriting it and turning to drink, working in Debenhams and being a lousy parent but there was something about this place that brought it all back and Ianto had missed it. There was a fine, brown leather sofa in the middle, a fireplace to its left, some more displays of certain types of suits, Ianto noticing one looked like a ceremonial army uniform. A chandelier hung from the ceiling while the walls were painted green, everything had that tailor smell to it and Ianto smiled.

“Good afternoon, sir.” A voice greeted and Ianto turned to the side, having not heard any footsteps and used to being the one to creep up on people. A man now stood at the desk nearer the back of the shop, grey hair and a smart, dark jumper over his shirt and tie. He seemed polite and Ianto moved towards him.

“Afternoon, I have a fitting under Hartman, I think.”

“Hartman…” The man muttered as he picked up a bookings book and began to scan down the page dated for today.

“Yvonne Hartman?” Someone else asked and Ianto felt himself being crept up on again.spinning around to find another man, this one dressed in a dark suit with his hair styled and glasses atop his face. He was smart looking, almost regal in his stance, and a settling expression. There was an umbrella in his hand and his attire looked as fresh as anything, something Ianto decided he wanted.

“Yes, sir.”

“You must be Ianto Jones then.” Ianto nodded and the man walked over, hand extended out for Ianto to grasp and shake. He did and Ianto found the man had a secure grip. “Harry Hart, I know why you’re here.”

“You do?”

“Yes, we have a similar occupation and it seems they’re working together. Now, before we go any further, we must get you fitted into a new suit.”

After a bunch of measurements were made and fabrics discussed, Ianto still found himself in the tailor, having never spent so long in one shop before. Mr Hart, who seemed a nice enough man, turned to him.

“Now that’s done, I think it best I introduce you to some pieces of tech as well as get you some shoes for your new suit.” Ianto glanced at his shoes, they were Oxfords but not the flashiest. He decided he might as well get them as Torchwood was paying and not himself. Harry then let him towards the fitting room from across the one they had just been in, and he shut the door behind them. The room looked as ordinary as the other one, green walls with the wooden boarding around the bottom, some black and white images, fancy lights and three hooks on the wall. A large mirror stood at one end and Ianto looked at himself in it.

“Is there a secret passage behind the mirror, then?” Ianto asked, looking at the man’s reflection. He’d been filled in on a lot of Kingsman’s business while being measured and it sounded exactly like his James Bond fantasies and Ianto was beyond excited to fulfill them.

“No.” He answered and Ianto felt a little disappointed. “Pull the hook on your left.” Ianto turned and did what he asked, watching as the wall then broke apart and became a secret door, slowly moving open to reveal a larger room past it. He moved through a small tiled area which he hardly paid attention to, instead captivated by what looked like an arsenal of weapons and a collection of other things. Along each wall were shelves, on Ianto’s left were shirts neatly folded with their collars showing, liquor flasks and shoes. As well as pens, lighters, glasses and more smaller items in the next section. On his right were briefcases and old looking phones as well as some newer ones like a  _ Samsung D900 slider _ . A head, the first thing Ianto noticed, were some large guns, umbrellas and some pistoles.

Harry moved past him as he admired the room, feeling like a child in the sweets shop with so many options he just couldn’t choose. “You’ll have some Oxfords, much like your own, with the additional decorative piece called broguing if you like. Try some on.” He lifted a pair from their spot, handing them over and Ianto moved to one of the long stools set in the middle, covered with a dark green and blue tartan pattern. The whole shop had its own aesthetic and it worked nicely. He walked away, nearer the umbrellas and guns while Ianto untied his own shoes and pulled them off.

“Our umbrellas are equipped with our best technology, bulletproof and can shoot a collection of different things, such as a small smoke grenade or a shotgun blast but the handle is just as good in a fight. Our standard-issue pistol, it also fires a shotgun cartridge for use in messy close-range situations.” Ianto nodded, listening as he pulled on the shoes, shifting his feet around to test how they felt. “How do they feel?”

“They feel good, fit perfectly.” Ianto told him, standing up.

“They have a phone in the heel and if you do your best impersonation of a German aristocrat’s formal greeting, there’s something else.” Harry smiled slightly and Ianto blanked for a moment, having missed that point in history class. “Like this.” Ianto watched as Harry straightened his back out, pulled his shoulders back, standing to attention while knocking the back of his shoes together like Dorothy did to get home except he didn't exclaim “there’s no place like him” and rather than disappearing, a small spike extended from the toe of his right shoe.

“Woah...” Ianto whispered, repeating the actions and watching his own shoe reveal its weapon. “How does it go back in?”

“Well, it’s coated in one of the fastest-acting neurotoxins known to man, so you must be very careful.” He then pressed the toe of his shoe to the wall, pushing the blade back in and Ianto nodded, moving to the wall to do the same before sitting back down to take them off.

“These are hand grenades.” Harry said next and Ianto looked up to see him holding one of the lighters.

“A grenade?” Harry nodded.

“A signet ring will electrocute someone.” He pointed towards the small rings which were golden, much like the lighters, before holding up his left hand. “A gentleman traditionally wears the signet on his left hand, but a Kingsman wears it on whichever hand happens to be dominant.”

Ianto nodded along as he continued to explain more and more of the tech that they had, and he realised if they had any of this paired up with the things they had waiting back at Torchwood Tower, they would be almost invincible.

~~~

_ Couple of months of training later, the Middle East _

Dust settled around them as the explosions and gunfire ceased, everyone either dead or injured or running or their lives. Whichever state they were in it didn’t matter, the group of men had come for what they needed. In the middle of the room, now tied to a chair, was their target. One man talked to him in Arabic while four others stood around the room, all dressed in black, gas masks set over their faces to help protect them as well as obscure their identities, not that the terrorist in the chair would live long afterwards if he happened to catch a glimpse of his captors.

Two shots rang out as the interrogator sent two bullets into the defiant man’s knees, making him cry out and drop his head. He leaned down, head almost touching the sea of the chair as the interrogator didn’t let up. That was when things went to shit, the Arabian man lifted his head back up and suddenly one of the men dropped to the floor.

“Grenade!” Another shouted while the interrogator ran forward only to be stopped and shoved back by the one who yelled. With that, he launched himself onto the captor, knocking him and the chair back just as the grenade exploded, saving them all from the blast. It was a short boom, over quick as the dust was disturbed again and the loose bits of wall shook and trembled. Everyone else picked themselves up, the interrogator removing his gas mask.

“Shit.” Harry swore as he gazed down at the mess in front of him. “Fucking missed it. How did I fucking miss it. “ Nobody answered and Harry turned to one of the men who also took off his gas mask. “Merlin, I apologize for putting you in this position. You trained him well.”

“James.” Merlin addressed the person beside him, the last two men taking off their masks now there was no need for them. “Training is over.”

“Welcome to Kingsman, Lancelot.” James shook Harry’s hand and despite the promotion, things were solemn, nobody had wanted one of their own to die.

“Sir.” He answered before Harry turned to the last unaddressed man who hadn’t taken his eyes off the two dead bodies in the room.

“Ianto… I’m sorry you had to see that.” He said, voice gentle as Ianto finally turned his gaze away, swallowing the lump in his throat. Lee had been his friend, he’d trained alongside him and James.

“It’s alright sir...” Ianto caught Merlin’s eye before they all turned back to their deceased friend.

“I'll deal with this mess, personally.”


	2. To everyone he meets he stays a stranger

_8 years later, London_

“Ianto.” Yvonne’s voice came as she waltzed her way over, he looked away from his monitor which held a database he was scanning over to greet her.

“Good morning, Yvonne. How was the meaning?”

“Good, although I still dislike Arthur as much as the first time I met him.” She huffed and Ianto picked up the mug of coffee he had made for her, knowing Yvonne was due back any time soon. She took it gratefully, shooting him a tight-lipped smile and taking a sip, not saying anything for a moment as she savoured the flavour. “I saw your father.” Her smile turned a little mischievous and Ianto sighed.

“I don’t know why you still seem to think they’re my dads.” He muttered, but he could feel the tip of his ears burning, turning back to his monitor but Yvonne didn’t leave, moving closer to him.

“Don’t kid yourself, Ianto.”

“Which one?” Ianto asked eventually, knowing she wouldn’t let it up.

“Harry. He said he wants to see you for dinner tonight. Although, I told him he’d be seeing you sooner.”

“Oh? Why?”

“Kingsman need your services again. Their man, Lancelot, was KIA, and he was investigating a group of mercenaries who were experimenting with biological weaponry. They think it might be alien tech.” Yvonne explained between sips of her coffee and Ianto took every detail in. They hadn’t worked with Kingsman for around eight years but Ianto had kept in touch with his mentors and it hurt knowing James, his friend, was killed on a mission.

“What about the big project?”

“We’ll be able to finish it without you, don’t worry.” Ianto nodded slightly, he’d been excited about the project, something was showing up in their world, and they needed to try to control it and Ianto wanted to know exactly what they were. A possible energy source that was renewable, Yvonne thought. As well as there been a few sightings of something else, just a few small ones down in Soho but Ianto had no doubt they would spread, as long as they weren’t dangerous, things would be alright.

“Alright then.”

“They’re going to be looking for a new Lancelot, so you’ll join their possible recruits on their training missions. I know you’ve been through it but you can get to know them easier then and you can give me in side scoop.” Yvonne winked over the brim of her mug and Ianto couldn’t help but smile. “I hope this means you’ll get a new suit, you do rather dapper in the ones Harry gets you.“ With that, she moved on and Ianto looked at his outfit, dark suit with a red shirt, shoulder holsters sitting underneath the blazer but empty for now, and a black tie with a white jigsaw pattern on it, mumbling to himself.

“I like this one.”

~~~

Harry’s place was rather nice as Ianto turned his car down the cobbled alleyway, cream houses on either side with large conifers in pots and balconies that oversaw whoever drove down. Ianto moved slowly down the middle, glancing up at the balcony right down the end to see a man - Harry - standing there in casual, comfortable yet still smart clothes and glasses, the sight of him made Ianto smile, and he parked up his Audi. He collected his coat from the passenger seat and when he got out, Harry was gone, so he let himself in. The place was decorated with photographs everywhere and Ianto kicked off his shoes as footsteps descended the stairs to his left.

“It’s been too long, Ianto.” He looked up and Harry was smiling at him, glasses now off and hand in his pocket.

“I’ve been busy.” Ianto replied and a moment later he was brought into a warm hug he quickly reciprocated.

“Too busy for us?” Harry laughed. “Don’t worry, we understand, Kingsman have been busy too.”

“I heard, you want our help.”

“Yes. We’ll be glad to have you back, Ianto, you were one of the best we had.” Ianto couldn’t stop the blush creeping up at the compliment, smiling shyly and following Harry into the kitchen where Merlin stood in a mink green apron and a bowl of what might be cake batter in his arms.

“Ianto! You made it.” He smiled and Ianto nodded, resting his hip against the counter. “I’m making a cake for dessert, I hope you’re staying.”

“As long as you two behave.” Ianto shot back. “You got coffee?”

“Stocked up just for you.”

“I’m touched.” Ianto hummed, moving around the kitchen with ease as if it were his own, grabbing three mugs and moving towards the coffee machine sitting and waiting in the corner. Ianto set it to go, leaning back and just watching Harry and Merlin work together. It was nice, completely different from the chaos he remembered his Mam and Tad used to be.

A little later one, Ianto found him sitting at the dining table, enjoying a meal of fresh chicken, mixed vegetables, and Yorkshire puddings topped with gravy, a glass of red wine and the cake waiting for them to dig into later. Merlin was sitting opposite him while Harry was perched at the head of the table, it was all very nice and Ianto was glad he’d come.

“So.” Harry began, after he’d finished his mouthful. “How’s Lisa?”

“She’s doing great, loved the flowers you sent her by the way.”

“You’ll have to invite her over next time.” Harry suggested and Ianto nodded, focused on his plate.

“I’ll ask, she very-”

“Busy.” Merlin finished for him but there was no malice in his tone. “You always say that.”

“Aliens don’t let up, especially since Torchwood Four disappeared and Three we think is going rogue.” Ianto explained, and they spent the rest of dinner talking about work and life and just general things, acting like a small family in a way that Ianto really enjoyed and sometimes wished he’d had when he was younger. By sometimes, he meant a lot but there was nothing they could do now.

“Now, about you working with us again, there're some things you’ll need to know.” Merlin said once they’d each received a plate with a slice of Victoria sponge cake on it. “Lancelot… James was working on an investigation, a biological weapon, we first found evidence in Uganda, 2012. They put synthetic cathinones in the water supply and it triggered rage and cannibalism, multiple fatalities ensued. Chechnya was next in 2013. Indisputably, the work of our mercenaries, but no trace of any chemicals of any kind.”

“What happened to James?” Ianto asked, cake forgotten despite holding the fork tightly.

“He tracked the mercenaries to Argentina, he found out that they had effected a kidnapping while he was surveilling them and executed a solo rescue mission. You know how that ended up...”

“His last transmission was to tell us Professor James Arnold had been kidnapped.” Harry followed on, voice solemn.

“Who’s that?” Ianto had never heard of the man nor could he place a face to the name, Merlin then spoke.

“Some climate-change doomsayer, expounds something called Gaia theory about the world healing itself or some such. But what’s curious is he’s not actually missing. Professor Arnold was at the Imperial College this morning.”

“Oh?”

“Arthur’s given me the mission” Harry announced, not to Ianto’s surprise, he was one of their top agents. “As well as, he’s asked for a start to Lancelot’s replacement selection process tomorrow.”

“So soon...”

“Yes, it is necessary.” His gaze lowered and Ianto knew he was just as affected by James’ death as he was. “I think I have my eye on someone but I’ll let you meet them tomorrow.”

“As long as he’s not as snobby as the rest of you lot.” Ianto smirked, finally turning to his dessert and stabbing it with his fork. Harry shared a look with Merlin that Ianto couldn’t decipher, but he caught the amusement in his eye.

“Don’t you worry.”

~~~

Ianto decided he didn’t really like anyone that he would be spending however long with, they all seemed like pompous blokes with silver spoons up their arses and there were only two females, who, to Ianto, seemed like the only nice ones there. Still with a silver spoon up their arses but less high and mighty about it. So far, he hadn’t met Harry’s placement but there was Roxanne, but she preferred Roxy, Amelia, Charlie who seemed to have Digby, Rufus, Hugo in his clique, and two others who Ianto shamefully forgot their names already. Everyone was dressed smartly but none seemed to really have their outfits coordinated, blazers that didn’t match trousers, ties that looked out of place and weird. Digby’s was red and yellow striped and reminded Ianto of Gryffindor. Ianto felt very out of place, though he thought if he had been wearing his shoulder holsters - guns or not - they'd have asked more questions than just wearing a fancier suit as nobody was armed here.

The door behind them then opened and in stepped a guy who walked like he was the toughest guy in the room and was dressed completely different from the rest, in something Ianto imagined he would wear if he was still living back on the Cromwell Estate and nicking ciggies from the corner shop and dodging his Tad’s fists. He looked like the odd one out and Ianto decided he’d probably be more comfortable around him. Charlie, apparently the leader of the team, looked like he was about to say something but a different voice stopped him.

“Fall in.” Everyone shifted around so that they were facing Merlin, the new guy - possibly Harry’s pick - rushing over and standing beside Roxy while Ianto watched from behind them. “Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Merlin. You are about to embark on what is probably the most dangerous job interview in the world. One of you, and only one of you, will become the next Lancelot.” Merlin moved towards one of the beds, picking up a bad. “Can anybody tell me what this is?”

Everyone lifted a hand bar himself and the late comer, though Ianto already knew what it was. “Yes?” he gestured to Charlie

“Body bag, sir.”

“Correct. Charlie, isn’t it?” He asked as he moved back to stand before everyone.

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. In a moment, you will each collect a body bag. You will write your name on that bag. You will write the details of your next of kin on that bag. This represents your acknowledgment of the risks that you’re about to face as well as your agreement to strict confidentiality. Which, incidentally, if you break, will result in you and your next of kin being in that bag.” Ianto raised an eyebrow, finding that extreme but knowing that was what secret services were like, even Torchwood had policies like that, usually death or retcon. Sometimes death was better. Mr Latecomer seemed unsettled by the idea though, rightfully so, but he was the only one to really react to the statement, probably expecting some looks of horror or shock. “Is that understood?”

Everyone nodded and Merlin looked satisfied, catching Ianto’s eye. “Excellent. Fall out.” Then he left and everyone dispersed towards their beds, Ianto dropping himself on his and grabbing at the body bag while Roxy turned to greet the new kid.

“Roxanne. But call me Roxy.” Ianto watched her shake his hand

“I’m Eggsy.” He introduced and Ianto’s eyebrows rose a little at the odd name, but he wasn’t one to judge, his nickname around the estate hadn’t been anything pleasant.

“Eggy?”

“No, Eggsy.”

“Eggy?” Charlie had wandered over, clearly already seeing himself as better than Eggsy. “And where did they dig you up?”

“You know we’re not allowed to discuss who proposed us.” Roxy told him, unimpressed.

“No need to bite his head off.” Said Digby, just about the same level of self absorbance as Charlie. “Charlie’s only making conversation, right, Charlie?” He agreed with a hum and Digby held his hand out for Eggsy to shake. “I’m Digby”

“Digby.” He repeated, though Ianto could see the retrained amusement on his face. 

“Eggy, this is Rufus. Rufus, Eggy.” They continued to introduce themselves before moving onto a conversation about universities that Ianto decided to block out, focusing on jotting down his name and next of kin and ignoring the way the mocked Eggsy, although the former was much easier than the latter.

“No, wait, I think we may have met.” Rufus declared and Ianto sighed, looking up. “Did you serve me at the McDonald’s in Winchester service station?” He asked and Eggsy sat back on the foot of his bed, arms crossed and completely unaffected.

“No.” Was all he answered.

“It’s definitely Saint Andrews.” Charlie concluded, and they all snickered while Eggsy turned away, clearly had enough with them and Ianto got up, deciding he wanted to get to know Eggsy much more now.

“Just ignore them.” Roxy advised, noticing Ianto coming closer and smiling.

“Ianto, right? This is Eggsy.” Ianto looked at the guy and held his hand out, sure the appendage would drop off soon by all the hand shaking.

“Hey, you need a pen?” Ianto held out the one he had been using.

“Cheers.” He took it from Ianto. “So, are you Cambridge, Oxford, or Saint Andrews then?”

“None, I hear university is overrated.” Ianto smiled slightly and Eggsy nodded, looking him up and down. Ianto could guess his suit said differently to what his words did. He then turned back to his unfilled label, eyeing it up.

“It’s just scare tactics. Classic Army technique. No one’s gonna die.” Roxy reassured just as the group behind them laughed, Ianto turning and catching them looking at Eggsy before the three broke up.

“Shame.” Eggsy murmured and Ianto couldn’t help but agree.

The evening went on quickly and Ianto soon found himself changed from his suit and into a pair of pyjamas, tucked into their army style bed, and staring up at the ceiling only half asleep. He wondered what their first training task would be and how most of them would fare in it, obviously they were all here because they were capable but, as far as Ianto knew, he was the only one really ready to face this stuff, not only older but more experience. He had been told that things this time were less dangerous than the last, changed so that their recruits wouldn’t die, especially as some were picked quite young, about the same age he was when he’d put his CV in for Torchwood. The room was quiet, everyone asleep beside him, and the lights were off except the few that illuminated the bathroom like area which had a mirror in the centre. Why they didn’t just give them normal bathrooms, Ianto didn’t know, but he was too tired to question it properly.

Ianto’s eyes had just drifted shut and a yawn escaped his mouth when a cold liquid touched his skin. It wasn’t freezing cold but chilly enough to jerk Ianto wide awake immediately, hands pushing down on the mattress only to find it sodden through and a few of water above it and rising. He sat up as best he could, feeling like he was on one of those blow up balloon floats you see tourists using in the pools, switching his light on just as everyone else began to. The whole room was filling with water and it wasn’t stopping. Everyone stood up on the beds, pillows, blankets, and mattresses forgotten.

“All right, no one panic. Listen to me. Stay calm.” Charlie suddenly took charge and Ianto looked at him, watching him look around the room and the ceiling. “Fuck.” He wore and Ianto glanced at the door, guessing it would probably be locked. “Loo snorkels, loo snorkels!” Charlie shouted to everyone, pointing towards the toilets.

“Loo snorkels?” Eggsy said back, clearly confused.

“Shower heads!” Roxy suggested and Ianto suddenly realised what they were doing however, Eggsy didn’t.

“Shower heads?!”

 **“** She’s right. Go! Fucking go!” Charlie ordered, everyone moving towards the end of the room as Eggsy stayed where he was. By now, the water was almost to the roof and Ianto took a deep breath.

 **“** Hey, hang about, what’s wrong with the fucking door?” The room was completely filled now and Ianto stalled as Eggsy swam his way over to the door rather than where everyone else was. This training exercise hadn’t been in the original one and Ianto didn’t know whether to go with the others or help Eggsy despite the door clearly being a lost cause. He couldn’t let anyone die. He watched as the others began dismantling the shower heads, threading them into the toilets, Ianto knew if they managed to get the tube around the U-bend, they’d have access to air but Eggsy was persistent with the door, pulling at it. Finally, he gave up, turning away and swimming towards the others and Ianto followed, glad he didn’t have to choose. However, as he reached the group, Ianto’s lungs were beginning to burn, needing to release the CO2 that was held inside, and he didn’t think he'd be able to get the breathing tube in time. Eggsy swam past them, to everyone’s confusion, pushing himself towards the mirror and grabbing onto the bottom of the frame, he drew his fist back and Ianto realised what he was doing and what the mirror was.

With a burst of energy, Ianto joined him just as Eggsy slammed his knuckles into the mirror, copying and feeling the glass shudder under the contact. Doing it again, and again, Ianto watched the glass crack where he hit and then all at one, the mirror shattered, the water rushing through and bringing everyone with it. The first gulp of air was heavenly and Ianto coughed, bringing up water he hadn’t realised he’d swallowed and gasping for more air, chest heaving as he brushed his soaking hair from his forehead and looked around at everyone else who was in a similar state.

“Congratulations on completing your first task.” Ianto gazed up, Merlin stood at the end of the room, not a spot of water on him but now wearing a coat anyway as he stood in the wet. “Charlie, Roxy, well done. For those of you who are still confused, if you can get a breathing tube around a U-bend of a toilet, you have an unlimited air supply. Simple physics, worth remembering. Eggsy, well done for spotting that was a two-way mirror, and Ianto, good job on helping him.” Ianto actually felt himself glow at the praise, but he didn’t let it show, especially as Charlie decided he needed to speak.

“Eggy’s probably seen enough of them.” He sounded smug of himself, as if he’d been the one to break open the glass and rescue them all. Didn’t even bother to thank them, not that Ianto really wanted his gratitude.

“Yeah, you can all wipe those smirks off your faces. Because as far as I’m concerned, every single one of you has failed. You all forgot the most important thing-- complete teamwork.” Merlin pointed back into the room and slowly everyone picked themselves up, stepping closer to the hole in the wall to look into their bedroom which looked more like a pool now, except floating on the surface of the water was a body. Ianto’s stomach dropped and his throat went dry, having not expected anyone to die. He felt absolutely horrible, Amelia was gone because they hadn’t thought.

“So much for classic army technique.” Eggsy pointed out and nobody had a reply this time.


	3. With every move he makes, another chance he takes

“As some of you will have learned last night, teamwork is paramount here at Kingsman.” Merlin addressed them all, each one of them in a jumpsuit and Ianto hated it. He was wearing tartan, and he hated tartan, pinstripe was more his style, however the sight before him was well worth the ugly outfit he had on. Twelve cages holding one puppy in each, all looking adorable as hell and Ianto couldn’t take his eyes off them. “We’re here to enhance your skills, test you to the limit. Which is why you’re gonna pick a puppy.”

Ianto had to hold back the excitement about getting a little furry companion, he may be in his thirties but animals always made him feel like a child. Remembering back to the first go around with his training, Ianto had picked out a Dobermann puppy, Jekyll, who had been spoiled and lived the best life until he got ill just a few months prior to Yvonne signing him up for the Kingsman again. The wound was still raw but Lisa had badgered him about getting another pet anyway.“Wherever you go, your dog goes. You will care for it, you will teach it, and by the time it’s fully trained, so will you be. Those of you who are still here, that is. Do you understand?” Everyone nodded and Ianto was bursting to go get one, loving them all. “Choose your puppy.”

With that, they all moved forward, no surprise that Charlie went for the German Shepherd. Ianto chewed on his bottom lip, this was the most difficult choice he had made in his life he decided and Ianto racked his eyes over the ones not getting any fuss from the others. He looked at a russet coloured puppy and it suddenly jumped up, tail wagging and let a high-pitched but adorable yip. Ianto was smitten, and he stepped around the ages to grab his new friend. As soon as he had the puppy in his hand, it set its paws on his shoulder, tongue lapping at his cheek and ear and Ianto beamed, laughing gently and petting its head gently.

“I think your name will be Branwen.” He whispered, looking at the puppy after checking just which gender she was. Branwen let out a small bark and Ianto kisses the top of her head. “I’m glad you like it.”

They all lined up later, Merlin ready to give them some more instructions after everyone had gotten over their excitement, Ianto looked at Roxy then her dog. She’d chosen the poodle, who sat obediently at her feet. He’d found out his own was a vizsla while a pug was Eggsy’s choice but Ianto wasn’t going to comment, not in front of everyone anyway.

“A poodle?” Eggsy asked with a mocking but friendly smirk on his face, clearly amused by her choice, seeing a poodle as a typical woman’s choice.

“What? They’re gun dogs. Oldest working breed. Easy to train.” Eggsy’s dog let out a small whine and Ianto smiled, looking down at it, the pug tiny compared to all the others. “A pug?”

“It’s a bulldog, innit?” Eggsy asked, serious and Ianto could tell her was regretting his choice now. Roxy looked towards Ianto then they both looked at Eggsy who didn’t look too happy now. “It’ll get bigger though, won’t it?” He caught eyes with his friend and Ianto slowly shook his head, entertained by his regret but also concerned he hadn’t known what dog he was choosing. “Shit”

“Ianto?” Merlin suddenly asked, and he looked over, everyone’s attention grabbed as Merlin didn’t often address them unless it was for praise or reprimand.“Come with me, I’ve got something you need to see. Everyone else, dismissed.”

“Yes, Merlin.” He adjusted his grip on Branwen’s leash, sparing a glance at his friends who said nothing, and he followed along a stride behind Merlin, not completely worried but this hadn’t happened before, wondering if something was happening with the case.

“Alright, so, Harry went to go see Professor Arnold this morning, to figure out just why his kidnappers set him free and why but things didn’t… they didn’t go as he thought.” Ianto’s pulse suddenly sped up, heart racing as his mind leapt head first into conclusions, Merlin’s tone and facial expression telling him the worst. His grip tightened on Branwen’s lead to stop it from shaking.

“He’s not-” Ianto wasn’t even able to finish the sentence, unable to comprehend the idea of Harry having been killed. They stopped walking, Merlin’s hand coming to rest on Ianto’s shoulder, and he shook his head.

“No, no. Thank god, no.” Ianto let out a deep breath, worry still embedded in his heart but the terror driven away by five simple words. “Didn’t mean to scare you, he’s just unconscious.“

“Will he wake?”

“We don’t know yet, hopefully.” Ianto nodded slightly and Merlin squeezed his shoulder.

“I’ll just drop Branwen off, I won’t be long.” Ianto told Merlin who nodded, moving to the door and stopping.

“It’ll be alright son.” He promised and Ianto nodded again, watching him go before heading off. On the way back to the dorm, Ianto ran into Eggsy.

“Oi, Ianto, mate. What’d Merlin want?” He asked with a smile, wanting to know if Ianto was in trouble, his pug nowhere in sight and Ianto hoped he hadn’t abandoned the tiny thing.

“Harry, he ugh- he was hurt in the field.” His smile dropped, refunded and replaced with a frown. Ianto knew he was Harry’s proposal, and they’d formed a bond of sorts, not that Ianto was jealous, he liked Eggsy and would gladly welcome him as the brother he never had.

“Oh?”

“He’s down near the medical wing if you want to visit him, though he’s not awake.”

“Sure, sure. Thanks.” Eggsy nodded, taking off and Ianto watched him go before dropping Branwen off on his bed, telling her he’d be back soon and following Eggsy back to Harry.

He made it back to the room just as Arthur was leaving, giving the mad a nod as he moved past and into the room. In the middle was a bed which Harry lay upon, a neck brace on with hospital scrubs that he would hate. Monitors to check his vitals and everything clean and pristine. Ianto didn’t like it, and he moved closer to Harry’s side.

“What do we know?” Ianto asked, breaking the silence and eventually turning to Merlin and Eggsy. “No signs of concussion or brain trauma thankfully, but don’t know what he was exposed to.”

“One might have something in the Archives or the Medical team, something that brings him round quicker or tell you what he was exposed to, I think they have an accelerated healing thing. I can ask-” Ianto didn’t realise he was rambling until Merlin stepped closer and took his shoulders.

“Not yet, we’ll see how long this goes on for, it’ll be alright, Ianto. You just focus on the mission, yeah?”

“Yes, of course.” Ianto took a deep breath and Merlin shot him a smile.

“I’ll see you later for the next training session.” And with that he left, the room falling into silence again with just him and Eggsy watching over Harry until his friend spoke up.

“You’re not a new recruit, are you?” Ianto turned his head towards the other man, taking in his questioning expression.

“No, I’m not.”

“But, why’re you here?”

“I work for another… organisation, Kingsman wanted their help, and I was brought in.” Ianto explained and Eggsy watched him, eyes widening a little and Ianto couldn’t help but smirk, hoping lots of theories were rolling through his mind.

“Looks like you know Harry and Merlin.”

“I do, I was brought in before, in 2006.“ Ianto let out a gentle sigh, thinking about Lee and James when his mind suddenly clicked something.Eggsy’s surname was Urwin, as was Lee’s and Ianto knew he had had a son. “Is your first name Gary?”

“Yeah, why?” Eggsy looked put off by the question and Ianto nodded slightly.

“I knew your father when I was here.” Looking at Eggsy, Ianto could now spot the similarities between the two men, he was definitely Lee’s son but looking at him now sent a pang of grief through Ianto’s heart, only for a brief moment but it hurt just as much as it did the day he died.

“Nice… My turn to ask something, are they...” Eggsy motioned to Harry then the door and Ianto assumed he meant Merlin. “Ya’know.” He then made an inappropriate gesture with his fingers and Ianto rolled his eyes, nudging him to the side with his shoulder and laughing quietly.

“Yes, yes they are.”

~~~

The next passing months almost flew by, Ianto taking part in a bunch of different training exercises, for himself and for Branwen. There had been running with the dogs, which as meant to get them used to moving around with a plus one, sometimes willing, sometimes stubborn and not wanting to move, much like Eggsy’s pug JB had been on the first few rounds until the guy came racing past with JB tucked into his shirt, the dog’s tiny head bouncing up and down. After that, there were tests, written on paper and sitting in silence like they were back in their GCSEs. Late night stake outs to test their shooting, sitting in ghillie suits, amongst the trees and bushes, shooting targets with a sniper rifle at ranging distances. Ianto enjoyed it all, even if most of the recruits were snobs, but at least he had Roxy and Eggsy, the banter between them was great, especially when they ribbed the latter for thinking JB was a bulldog, and Branwen who was growing bigger and getting better with her training too by the day.

Of course, there had been trials that weren’t a part of the training course, like Eggsy having to put up with the silver spoons practically bullying him and Ianto had had to deal with worrying about Harry, who seemed to be getting better and showed signs of waking until one day he did. It had been a godsend though the beard he’d grown over his time unconscious was something Ianto noticed he should never have again and his hair was long in a way Ianto hadn’t seen before.

Ianto was on his way to visit Harry with Merlin on one side and Branwen trotting happily along on his other, they had some business to talk to Harry about, concerning the incident with Professor Arnold, since he’d died multiple important people had taken. Merlin knocked on the door and a second later Harry called from them to come in. Harry wasn’t alone, Eggsy and JB also in the room.

“Oh…Eggsy, we need to have a private conversation. You’re dismissed.” Merlin said as he moved into the room, his modified clipboard clutched to his chest. Ianto quietly greeted his friend, Branwen taking a sniff at JB. He took in Harry’s clean-shaven appearance.

“Nonsense. Let him observe. Might learn a thing or two, and I know he already knows about Ianto.” Harry sent a nod Ianto’s way.

“As you wish. Take a look at this.” Merlin loaded up a video on the screen which held the last seven remaining recruits' files on them, on the opposite wall, one Ianto had already seen. It was a close up of Professor Arnold’s neck with Harry’s voice in the background, taken from the camera embedded in his glasses. Just behind the Professor's ear, it started to glow, almost looking like hot magma as it seeps out the cracks in the ground. It was fascinating until the bit that came afterwards and Eggsy jolted backwards as the man’s head exploded right in frame.

“Fucking hell! That is rank, Harry. You blew up his head? It’s a bit much, innit?”

“Actually, Eggsy,“ Ianto began. “The explosion was caused by an implant in his neck.” he turned to Harry. “Torchwood’s kind of expertise. It’s right under that scar.” Merlin zoomed the image in, getting a clear image of the scar and where the implant was. It was definitely alien technology, Ianto had some of the technicians down in Torchwood Tower take a look at it and the signal Harry’s things had managed to pick up. They just had no idea how the type of technology was picked up and where from but at least they had who was using it.

“Did my hardware pick up the signal that triggered it?” Harry queried.

“Fortunately, yes. Unfortunately, the IP address I traced it to is registered to the Valentine Corporation.” Merlin then pulled up Richmond Valentine’s profile and Ianto didn’t know much about him other than he was rich, he was on the TV sometimes, and his sister Rhiannon used to fancy him.

“That’s not much of a lead. He has millions of employees worldwide.”

“That Richmond Valentine is a genius.” Eggsy spoke up and all three of them turned to look at him. He looked a little puzzled at the sudden attention. “Did you not see his announcement today?”

“No.” Merlin said and Eggsy took that as an invitation to snatch his clipboard. A moment later, some footage of Valentine playing on the screen now. He was on a stage, something that looked like an Apple’s newest product announcement

_“We each spend on average $2,000 a year on cell phone and Internet usage. It gives me great pleasure to announce those days are over. As of tomorrow, every man, woman and child can claim a free SIM card, compatible with any cell phone, any computer, and utilize my communications network for free. Free calls, free Internet for everyone. Forever.”_

The audience applauded the man and Ianto raised an eyebrow, actually liking the sound of the man’s offer but knowing something that good must come with a fine print that didn't look so appealing. Merlin took the clipboard back only for Harry to steal it this time, using it to get a close up of the man’s assistant and finding the implant scar on her neck.

“Valentine’s assistant has the same implant scar. I think Mr. Valentine and I should have a tête-à-tête.” Harry said and Merlin reclaimed his clipboard finally, looking to Ianto as if he wanted to have a go at taking it from him now but Ianto said nothing, not planning on taking the thing.

“He’s having a gala dinner next week. I’ll get you and Ianto an invitation.” Ianto felt excitement creep up at the thought of going out on an actual mission. “You need to be careful, though. Since you’ve been out, hundreds of VIPs have gone missing. No ransom notes, exactly like Professor Arnold.”

“Then I suggest you make our aliases some people worth kidnapping.”

“Speaking of Valentine.“ Ianto shifted. “I got those test results back from my people, not technology related to Earth, and they’re possibly from a species called the Gazelle. We don't know what they look like, but they use their tech to keep their civilians under strict control. Although, they’ve also combined it with Earth tech to enhance it.” Harry nodded along and Eggsy seemed completely blown away about the alien thing. “They’re controlled remotely, using satellites which we can disrupt.”

“Excellent work Ianto.” Merlin praised and Ianto let himself smile, Eggsy grabbing on to his forearm.

“Did you say aliens?!”


	4. Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow

Ianto waited behind Eggsy and Roxy as the other three recruits leapt from the plane as soon as the light flicked green. He hadn’t been skydiving before and it was a bit terrifying but Ianto was all down for trying new things. His two friends ran forward, Ianto not far behind.

“Eggsy! Eggsy, wait!” They came to a halt as Roxy’s fear decided to take over “Hang on!” Eggsy rested his hands on her shoulders, turning to face Roxy

“Roxy, just stop fucking about! Follow me and Ianto, yeah?” Then he let go of her, stepping back and falling backwards out of the plane. Roxy turned to him, her face nervous and Ianto smiled at her, taking her hand and squeezing it.

“Jump together?” He offered, giving her hand a squeeze and letting her take her time.

“Roxy, it’s now or never. Jump!” Eggsy encouraged them over their radio link and Roxy nodded at Ianto, giving him the go ahead, and he pulled her with him, the two jumping out of the plane and into thin air. 

Free-falling through the air was exhilarating, just feeling the air resistance work against you as you got closer and closer to the ground, able to see for miles with the clouds around you. Knowing despite being tugged down by gravity that you were safe, a parachute waiting to gracefully bring you to the floor. Ianto whooped loudly as he spread his limbs out like they were taught, having the time of his life and promising himself he was going to have to go skydiving more often. Ianto spared a glance at his first, the two of them quickly catching up with Eggsy, Charlie, Digby, Hugo, and Rufus

 _“Good girl, Rox, I’m glad you made it!”_ Eggsy praised as everyone began to mess about, spinning and flipping around, laughing to themselves and just having fun in the air before they needed to deploy their chutes. Only, this was a Kingsman test and Ianto was just waiting for the next part to come in, coincidentally, Merlin spoke in their ears.

_“My, my, you’re all very cheerful. Did you really think it was gonna be that straightforward? Any idiot can read a heads-up display. A Kingsman agent needs to be able to solve problems under pressure. Like what to do when one of your group has no parachute.”_

_“Shit!”_ Eggsy cursed over the comms.

 _“What? No parachute?! Who?!”_ Roxy asked, her phobia having been set off again just as she got settled and used to the situation.

_“Fuck!”_

_“Which one?”_ Charlie threw out, like any of them would know the answer.

“What do we do?!” Rufus panicked.

 _“I told you. Aim for the target. Come in under the radar.”_ Merlin reminded them calmly. “ _And I hope not to be scraping one of you up. But if I do have to, and you’re inside the target, please know I’ll be very impressed.”_ Ianto rolled his eyes despite the small pocket of fear building up in him.

_“Fuck!”_

_“Oh, shit!”_ Roxy breathed and Ianto squeezed her hand, trying to reassure her.

 _“Everybody listen, I’ve got a plan! We’re an odd number so join together. Grab the closest person to you first.”_ Everyone began joining up, everything suddenly serious and no more fun and games, Ianto already holding Roxy’s hand and grabbing onto Digby’s while Charlie linked with Roxy and Eggsy tried to close the circle with Rufus. _“Rufus, come on!"_

_“Oh, fuck!”_

_“Rufus!”_

_“Oh, shit! I can’t!”_ He panicked, refusing to take Eggsy’ hand and pulling his chute.

_“Fuck!_

_“Oh, thank God._

_“Rufus, you wanker! Quick, finish the circle!”_ Eggsy reached out to Digby, taking his hand so now that they all held on to one another, all falling together. _“We pull our cords one by one! When we know who’s fucked, the person on their right grabs them.”_

 _“Okay, Eggsy.”_ Roxy replied and Ianto couldn’t stop his smile, impressed by Eggsy’s quick and smart thinking.

 _“Good plan, Eggsy.”_ Merlin clearly agreed You have 30 seconds. Come on now, hurry.

 _“Me first!”_ Digby yelled, and he reached for his chute, pulling it and the white canvas springing out. _“Oh, fuck! Yes_!” He laughed, that was two down.

 _“Okay, me next.”_ Hugo decided for himself, and he pulled away as he yanked the cord to release his chute, which was successful. _“See you on the ground, boys.”_

 _“Now me.”_ Charlie had his parachute two and now that it was just the three off them, Ianto felt himself panicking just that little bit more, irrationally thinking back to the body bag they’d signed before.

“Roxy, you go next.” Ianto ordered, watching his friend falter before reaching to pull her parachute. She was gone, pulled away by the canvas and that left just him and Eggsy, Ianto grabbing onto his friends arm. “I wasn’t expecting my death to be like this.” Ianto joked though it wasn’t completely there.

 _“Fuck! Okay, you go.”_ Eggsy told him and Ianto glanced at the meter on his arm, his helmet warning him of low altitude, the Kingsman manor coming into clear view below. Ianto nodded and Eggsy shifted, wrapping his legs around Ianto’s so that whoever didn’t have one wouldn’t just fall. They were spinning erratically, the thrill from before morphing into terror and Ianto felt Eggsy reaching for his cord, ready to pull Eggsy’s one if his failed. His friend tugged the cord and the chute opened up behind him, tugging Ianto back so that Eggsy lost his hold, slipping down and clinging desperately to Ianto’s legs. “Shit!” He cried, struggling to stay where he was, legs kicking out as the grass and painted Kingsman logo got closer. They were going too fast but not fast enough that it was deadly. With both of them screaming, they collided with the ground, rolling and collapsing on their backs, just breathing and thankful they didn’t fail this one.

“Fuck.” Ianto eventually managed to say as his parachute flapped about behind him. He was definitely going to check if he had a parachute if he ever did that again.

Once everyone was down on the floor, parachutes collected up, and Merlin waiting on one end of the K, 

“Hugo, Digby. You don’t land in the K, you’re not in the K. Rufus, you opened too soon. You were all over the radar. All three of you, pack your bags, go home.” The three walked away without question, Ianto kind of glad to see them go. It meant Charlie didn’t have his pack any more at least.

“Ianto, Eggsy, congratulations. You set a new record. Opening at 300 feet, that’s pretty ballsy. Well done for completing another task. Fall out.” They all gave a nod and Ianto began to walk away with Roxy, who was chatting away about how much fun she had and how they managed to scare her to death by how close they got, however, Ianto noticed Eggsy wasn’t following, so he stopped. Eggsy was standing right close to Merlin, and he could only assume he wasn’t happy about being the one without a parachute. Roxy looked at him in confusion and turned just as Merlin pulled Eggsy’s cord, the parachute flying out and pulling him off his feet. Merlin walked away as Roxy and himself laughed at their friend, falling into harder fits of giggles when Eggsy shot them a half annoyed expression while half laughing himself.

~~~

“There’s nobody else here.” Ianto observed as their car pulled up to Valentine’s estate, suddenly on edge when everything should be loud and lit up like Gala’s probably were. He peered out the darkened window again, adjusting the bow tie of his tuxedo while Harry looked undisturbed at his side, suit well tailored, hair cut neatly.

“Just keep it cool, we’ll leave if things off.” Ianto nodded, chewing on his lip as the car pulled to a stop and the both of them got out of the vehicle. The house was silent and there was no sign that a gala had been planned with a load of potential guests. Harry took around as Ianto pushed his glasses up on his face, he wasn’t used to wearing them, using the door knocker Three seconds later, the large wooden door opened and there stood Mr Valentine, wearing a light blue shirt over a grey jumper, over another shirt the same shade of blue, a cap on his head and beaded necklace hanging down his chest. It was a large contrast to Harry and himself but it worked.

“Mr. DeVere. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Valentine greeted Harry.

“I’m awfully sorry. I seem to have my dates muddled up.”

“Oh, no, no, no. I cancelled the gala because of you.” Ianto wasn’t one to judge pronunciation but it didn’t miss him the way Valentine pronounces “gala“ but it might have been because of the lisp or where he was from. “Anybody willing to donate that much deserves their own dinner.”

“I hope you don’t mind my son being here? He’s a part of the business too.” Harry gestured to him and Valentine shifted to get a better look at Ianto, smiling politely. Ianto nodded in greeting, hands clasped behind him.

“That is totally fine, it’s good to meet you both, come in.” He moved out of the way, letting the two of them step inside, Harry thanking him. The door shut behind them and Valentine led them through a corridor which had art on the walls, the right covered with large portraits of pandas and the left windows with human figure statues in different poses. It all screamed “rich” at Ianto.

“Gotta admit, I was really intrigued to meet you. There aren’t many billionaires I don’t know.”  
“I don’t doubt it.”

“And, obviously, I had my people look into your affairs, and that’s some pretty old money you’re from. How’d your folks make it?” They moved into a larger area, which looked almost like a lobby, red plush seats set in a circle, a large sphere shaped light hanging from the ceiling, a spiral staircase leading upstairs, some plants and more art, this time a gun, and two doors leading further into the house probably. A lady appeared out of one, dressed professionally and heading up the stairs. Ianto watched her go, a step behind Valentine and Harry and staying quiet, just taking the place in.

“Property, mostly. Property and the markets. Nothing questionable, if that’s your concern.”

“Ah, look, I’m just into finding out what caliber person you are. I’m sure you understand that.”

“I most certainly do.” Harry replied, their cover identities were solid, Merlin had done a great job so if Valentine dug really deep, he’d still find nothing untoward. It was also ironic, they were here to find out what type of person Valentine was too but Ianto held his tongue

“Hope you’re hungry.” Valentine said, and Ianto wondered if this guy really was who they were looking for although he knew people could hide who they truly were if they wanted people to think they were someone else.

“I’m famished.” Harry replied, voice light and joyful.

“Good. Grab a seat.” Harry sat down and Ianto took the chair opposite him just a soft chinking of metal hitting the floor sounded and in walked a lady, pushing a fancy-looking food trolley their way. It looked like it was made of gold and Ianto didn’t doubt that it was, looking over and watching the lady get closer just as his PDA beeped in his pocket.

“Sorry, didn’t turn my phone on silent.” Ianto laughed lightly, Harry glancing at him and Valentine smirking, not annoyed by the disturbance.

“I hope it’s got one of my SIM cards in it.” He joked and the three of them laughed further, Ianto pulling the PDA out and reading the display on the screen before switching it to silent and shoving it back into his pockets, he’d tell Harry what it said later. Turning his attention back to the woman, she looked normal, dressed smartly but the metal noise hadn’t stopped. Valentine, seemingly unfazed by the noise, pulled out his napkin and tucked it into his shirt and the two to them followed suit while Harry laid his out on his lap, Ianto also shoved one corner into his collar. They then turned to the food trolley, the woman slowly lowered the lid and Ianto didn’t have to wonder what they’d be eating as it revealed a selection of food from McDonalds, not something he expected but something he’d much rather have than anything too fanciful. Ianto quite liked Richmond Valentine. Harry seemed amused by the meal choice.

“I’ll have the Big Mac, please.” Harry told him and the woman got to work serving the food.

“Great choice! But nothing beats two cheeseburgers with secret sauce. Goes great with this ’45 Lafite.”

“A classic pairing. And may I suggest Twinkies and a 1937 Château d’Yquem for pudding?”

“I like it. And for you?” Valentine addressed him next.

“I’d like the chicken burger, thank you.” Ianto chose politely, picking up his wine glass and taking a small sip. It was good and tasted very expensive.

“Coming right up. So…” Valentine clapped his hands together and Ianto could guess that business talk was going to commence. “You want to donate to my foundation. You are aware that I wound things down in that area, right?”

“Climate change is a threat which affects us all, Mr. Valentine.” Harry told him, then nodded in Ianto’s direction. “My son enlightened me to it, and you’re one of the few powerful men who seems to share these same concerns.”

“No, I shut things down because I wasn’t getting anywhere. Every bit of research kept pointing to the same thing.”

“That carbon emissions are a red herring and that we’re past the point of no return, no matter what remedial actions we take.” Ianto answered, drawing Valentine’s attention and making the man laugh as he leant back in his chair.

“Oh, you know your shit.”

“ I sometimes envy the blissful ignorance of those less knowledgeable in the shit, Mr Valentine.” Ianto smiled, tipping his glass in his direction as the lady served each of them their meals, Ianto thanking her gently but getting no response.

“As Professor Arnold always said, Humankind is the only virus cursed to live with the horrifying knowledge of its host’s fragile mortality.” As Harry spoke, Valentine touched the brim of his head and Ianto thought for a moment that Harry had blown their cover, sure mentioning the Professor was a bold and risky move.

“You know, not a lot of people knew about him.” Ianto saw Harry exhale and the mood shifted. The woman had sat on a chair just behind the older Kingsman, leg crossed over the other and now Ianto realised where the metal noise had come from. Rather than having shoes, feet, ankles, and calves, there were prosthetics, ones that looked sharp and dangerous. “You like spy movies, Mr. DeVere?” Harry glanced back and the woman lifted her foot, something that could have been considered innocent and just adjusting her position but it was definitely a small threat.

“Nowadays they’re all a little serious for my taste, my son likes them though. But the old ones… marvellous. Give me a far-fetched theatrical plot any day.” Harry smiled and Valentine nodded along, clearly pleased and Ianto let his shoulders relax.

“The old Bond movies!” He chuckled. “Oh, man! Oh, when I was a kid, that was my dream job: gentleman spy.”

“I always felt the old Bond films were only as good as the villain. As a child, I rather fancied a future as a colourful megalomaniac.”

“What a shame we both had to grow up.” Ianto’s gaze flickered towards the woman then at Valentine, then finally resting on Harry, the atmosphere tense and both sides clearly knowing the other knew they knew what was happening but neither wanting to be so straightforward as to give themselves properly away. Sometimes Ianto forgot he wasn’t in a movie and this was actually real, and he was living it. He also wondered if he was actually going to get to eat his meal until Valentine let out a soft laugh, picking up his burger

“Bon appétit.”

The next afternoon, Ianto met with Arthur and Harry, sitting at the long table, the three of them eating soup together and Ianto felt like he was out of place, having weirdly preferred eating fast food with a possible criminal than soup with his friend and his temporary boss.

“Valentine didn’t let us out of his sight. All Ianto got was this on the way in.” The screen behind him showed the footage of the first lady they had seen, the one who had gone upstairs and the screen paused, scanning the item she had in her hand, bringing up a clearer and better image of it. It was a pamphlet. “South Glade Mission Church is a hate group based in Kentucky. FBI have been monitoring them for years.”

“But you think Valentine is a supporter?” Arthur asked

“No evidence yet of a direct connection, but I’ll keep looking.” He said, taking a sip of his water.

“His friend is also definitely alien.” Ianto told them both. “My PDA picked her up as soon as she entered the building, possibly the Gazelle species.”

“Well at least we know that too, though where Valentine picked up alien things, we don’t know.”

“Oh, by the way, our ever-growing list of missing persons now includes Scandinavian royalty. Royal Crown Princess Tilde.” Arthur pointed to the picture frame and Ianto looked again to see the profile of the princess. She was pretty but not as pretty as Lisa was, Ianto’s thoughts flicking to his girlfriend not for the first time since he’d left. They talked on the phone - even had phone sex - but Ianto still missed Lisa and couldn’t wait to see her again.


	5. Secret agent man, secret agent man

Rhiannon held Mica close to her side as they moved from the shop’s checkout service towards the exit, having to push past a lot of people waiting eagerly for their free SIM cards thanks to Mr Valentine, Rhiannon was glad to finally have got her, having been waiting all day. She’d got one for Mica and David too, knowing Johnny was getting his own later.

“Can we go to the library now?” Mica asked her once they’d managed to get out of the shop, a long queue stretching what looked like forever down one side of the path.

“Of course, love, let me just put these away then we can go.” Rhiannon smiled at her daughter who beamed, having been bored the entire time waiting Shifting her handbag from her shoulder, Rhiannon dropped the three new SIM cards into it before taking Mica’s hand and heading their way to the library, making a note to call Ianto now it wouldn’t cost anything.

~~~

 _“The list of missing celebrities and dignitaries has continued to grow in recent weeks, and world leaders are coming under increasing pressure to provide answers.”_ Said the news reporter, the screen switching to a man in a suit being interviewed, the Swedish Prime Minister.

_“We are doing everything in our power to find Princess Tilde. You know, governments and security forces worldwide are working together to find the person behind these abductions.”_

_“In other news, people all over the world continue to wait in line day and night to get their free SIM cards.”_ Footage of long lines showed then multiple people descending some stairs. _“This unprecedented giveaway by the philanthropist Richmond Valentine has already seen over a billion cards distributed.”_ Ianto rolled his eyes and shook his head, the numbers of people were unimaginable. He was glad he hadn’t got himself one because of the queues though he had been tempted to, free internet was appealing, but they couldn’t trust Valentine or his products or staff until they found out exactly what was going on.

Ianto gently petted Branwen’s head, relaxing from a day of training, as the door to the dorm opened and Merlin appeared. He didn’t move to stand like the other did, Roxy switching the TV off. The next mission wasn’t one he was going to be taking part in.

“At ease.” Merlin told them, everyone sitting themselves back down before being handed envelopes, Ianto receiving one just for show. “So you thought we were done for the day, huh? Well, we’re not.”

“A party?” Roxy questioned.

“Tonight, in London.” Merlin answered as Charlie held up an image of a woman.

“Who’s this?”

“Your target. Your mission is to use your NLP training to win over the individual in the photograph in your envelope. And when I say “win over,” I do mean in the biblical sense.”

“Easy.” Eggsy said smugly, showing his image of the same girl “Posh girls love a bit of rough.”

“We’ll see about that, yeah?” Charlie challenged and suddenly worried about this girl, hoping the two wouldn’t overwhelm her with their advances and mess up the test. Roxy looked between them all, smiling at Ianto then turning her picture around.

“We certainly will.”

Ianto stood in the crowds as he watched his three peers try to win over the woman, all three having approached at one, piggybacking off each other’s techniques and clearly making a mess of themselves, obviously - as they should be - to the actual task they’d be put through soon enough. They’d put James, Lee, and himself through the exact same one and Ianto was rather looking forward to the later parts. A man walking over to them caught Ianto’s eye, and he took a sip of his champagne which tasted cheap compared to the wine from the night before. The blonde lady left a second after the man spoke, probably happy to escape the onslaught of the three. The man refilled one of the champagne flutes just as Roxy, Eggsy, and Charlie passed out.

Getting the three out of the party was the tricky part, they all felt heavier than they looked and limp limbs kept getting in the way and it turns out Charlie talked in his sleep a lot but eventually they got the three back to the headquarters, set Roxy up for the test, and she went through it without issue, passing perfectly to Merlin’s delight. Eggsy was up next and Ianto stood beside Roxy, watching their friend slowly wake up tied to some train tracks.

“Who the fuck are you?” Was the first thing Eggsy asked as the man from before, now dressed in a long coat which looked rather ominous, and Ianto smirked in amusement, loving his friend's lack of filter. “Where am I?” The man moved around to stand before Eggsy, holding up the knife to him

“This knife... can save your life, mm?” Just then, down the end of the tunnel, twin bright lights illuminated the place and a horn sounded, signalling the approach of a train. Roxy stood up a little straighter at his side as Eggsy swore and began to tug at his bindings

“My employer’s got two questions for you, Eggsy: What the fuck is Kingsman, and who’s Harry Hart?” The man asked and Ianto chewed on his lip, hoping Eggsy wouldn’t sell them out, but he had faith in his friend.

““I don’t know who the fuck that is! Shit!”” He cried and Ianto felt himself relax a little

“Oh, Eggsy, I just killed two of your friends for giving me the same bullshit answer!”

“Fuck! Just cut the fucking ropes, please!” He pleaded, the train's wheels clacking against the tracks and it rolled closer. Merlin shifted in his seat and Ianto could tell he was hoping Eggsy would pass even if he wouldn’t admit it.

“Hey, Eggsy! Is Kingsman worth dying for?” The interrogator asked and Ianto knew if Eggsy said no then he’d be out. They were all waiting, the train just inches away.

“Fuck yes!” Eggsy yelled, clearly accepting that he was about to die, loyal to the cause and blinded by the train's headlights, only the train rolled past, the section of the track Eggsy was tied to having detached and lowered him so that he was safe, Harry now standing where the interrogator had just been.

“He did it!” Roxy exclaimed beside him, beaming and Ianto wasn’t ready to be met with a crushing hug she sent his way, definitely excited her friend had gone through. Ianto was just as elated, hugging her back quickly, smiling just as much and very proud of Eggsy. He was then untied from the tracks and the two of them joined the rest where they could watch Charlie's go. Ianto didn’t have such high hopes for the man.

“We did it Rox.” Eggsy grinned as he saw them, walking over. Roxy gave him a hug while Ianto stayed back, catching Harry’s proud gaze. “I guess you didn’t need to then, Yan? Lucky git.”

“Doesn’t mean I haven’t done it, Eggsy.“ Ianto told him and Eggsy’s eyes suddenly had a mischievous look.

“Are these recorded?” He asked Merlin who just gave Eggsy an unamused glance and Ianto immediately hoped that meant a no.

“Charlie's up now.” Roxy told him, and they watched the same process as they had seen with Eggsy, who seemed to be soaking up seeing Charlie struggle and scream, petrified and not so tough as he always said he was.

“Is Kingsman really worth dying for?” Charlie was asked and Ianto watched with bated breath, shamelessly wanting the guy to fail.

“No, it fucking isn’t! Shit, I’ll tell you what you want. Please!” Ianto shared a look with Eggsy who looked beyond smug and delighted that Charlie had given in. “Chester King is Arthur. Arthur’s head of a spy agency-- it’s called Kingsman. Get me out of here!”

“Thank you, Charlie. Much appreciated.” The interrogator grinned evilly, peering down at the bound man before the train reached them. But, just like Eggsy and Roxy, he was kept unharmed, definitely frightened, and returned to the tracks with Arthur standing there.

“I had such high hopes for you.” The leader muttered. “You’re a bloody disgrace.”

“Arthur, I’m sorry. At least untie me.”

“Untie yourself.” With that, Arthur wandered off and Ianto turned to his friends, Charlie heard shouting through the speakers.

“Galahad, Percival, congratulations.” Merlin said, turning around to face them all now. Your candidates have reached the final stage of the testing process. As tradition allows, you now have 24 hours to spend with them. Eggsy... you should know your father reached this point.” Ianto watched Harry glance downwards, still carrying the weight of his death on his shoulders after so many years. “From now on, there are no safety nets, understood?”

They both nodded, they’d made it but only one could be Lancelot. Ianto just hoped it didn’t end like the last time.

~~~

Ianto had plans already for his twenty-four hours free from Kingsman and its training, practically bubbling every time he thought about it. He couldn’t stop smiling, adjusting his polka dot tie in the mirror for the fifth time.

“You look fine.” Merlin said in passing and Ianto scowled at him.

“Just because your date is busy with his new protégé, doesn’t mean you have to spoil my fun.” Ianto said back, watching Merlin sit himself down at the dining table, Harry having taken Eggsy into his office to talk to him. “I’m sure you can spend a day without Harry whereas I haven’t seen Lisa in far too long.”

“I know you FaceTime her frequently.”

“That’s different.”

“Oh I know.” Merlin smirked and Ianto hoped he wasn’t blushing.

“Don’t tell me you’ve been spying.”

“Only by accident.” He said sheepishly and Ianto rolled his eyes.

“Wow, that’s- I’m disappointed in you.”

“Looking fly, Yan!” Eggsy’s voice sounded behind him and Ianto turned to see his friend and Harry moving into the dinning room, smiling at Eggsy and thanking him gently.

“You’re seeing Lisa tonight?” Harry asked him, moving nearer to Merlin and pressing a gentle kiss to his head and Ianto nodded, sorting out his cuff.

“Yep, finally.”

“Lisa?” Eggsy questioned.

“Ianto’s girlfriend.” Merlin answered for him and Eggsy nodded, sticking his tongue into his cheek and trying not to smirk. Ianto rolled his eyes.

“Behave, all of you, and I’ll see you later.” Ianto waved then goodbye, leaving them to it and heading out the door to collect his car and pick up Lisa.


	6. They've given you a number and taken away your name

“I’m going to kill that boy.” Harry threatened, beyond mad and Ianto hadn’t ever seen him like this. He’d shown up as soon as Harry had phoned, ranting about Eggsy and how he’d waisted his opportunities, humiliated Harry, and completely fucked up. Ianto didn’t think it could be that bad, but he didn’t try to interrupt Harry in his passion, at least the man had been a little calmer once he got back although there was no Merlin at home to help settle him completely.

“At least you know where he is and you’re bringing him back.” Ianto tried to offer for some sort of comfort, sitting at the dining table for once not in his suit as Harry paced, guiding the cab Eggsy had stolen back to his place. Branwen sat at Ianto’s side, head on his thigh as he stroked her head gently.

“I guess you’re right but I’m still angry.” Harry sighed and said nothing more, eventually disappearing upstairs and Ianto hoped he’d fully calm down by the time he returned. He was half tempted to call Merlin and get him here too, just to keep Harry cool. Footsteps sounded upstairs not long later and the door opened, Ianto sitting up and Branwen turning her attention. Eggsy appeared in the doorway only his back was to Ianto “You throw away your biggest opportunity over a fucking dog.” Harry told Eggsy. “And then you humiliate me by stealing my boss’s car.”

“You shot a dog just to get a fucking job.” Eggsy spat.

“Yes, I did.” Harry answered calmly, taking the last few steps and heading to the bathroom, pushing the door open to reveal a shelf right in opposite a door with a dog, a cairn terrier, stuffed and displayed on it. That bathroom always gave Ianto the creeps, the whole room filled with picture frames of butterflies and insects, and the dog was a bit much. “And Mr. Pickle here reminds me of that every time I take a shit.”

“You shot your dog and had it stuffed? You fucking freak.”

“No, I shot my dog, and then I brought him home and continued to care for him for the next 11 years until he died of pancreatitis.” Harry explained to the man, Ianto still watching them and petting Branwen’s head.

“What?”

“It was a blank, Eggsy. It was a fucking blank.” He sighed “Remember Amelia?”

“Yeah.”

“She didn’t drown. She works in our tech department in Berlin; she’s fine.” Ianto paused for a moment, thinking back to Amelia, the girl he thought had died while they’d been too busy trying to save themselves, the guilt he’d had on his shoulders, and he should have known Kingsman wouldn’t let its recruits die. Ianto sighed, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and index finger, Branwen making a noise and shifting closer to comfort him. “Limits must be tested. A Kingsman only condones the risking of a life to save another.”

“Like my dad saved your life even though your fuck-up cost his. Or have you got him stuffed here and all?” Eggsy accused, venom in his voice and even Ianto flinched away from it. Harry was silent and Ianto knew Eggsy had hit his mark.

“Can’t you see that everything I’ve done has been about trying to repay him?” Harry’s voice was quiet and sincere and Ianto almost missed what he said from the dining room but then a beep came from the glasses sitting in Ianto’s blazer inside pocket, and he pulled them out, meaning Merlin was contacting him.

 _“Harry, Ianto, listen to this. Valentine’s at last saying something of note.”_ Merlin told them before Valentine’s voice filtered through.

 _“Know what I love about pen and paper?”_ Nobody can hack into this shit. Our worldwide tour was a complete success. We... have total coverall. Like when all your numbers in bingo are crossed out.”

 _“Bingo?”_ A woman’s voice asked and Ianto assumed that must have been the Gazelle.

_“Bingo. The game. You have played bingo, right?”_

_“Do I look like I play bingo?”_

_“Point is... if our tests go well at the church tomorrow, we are good to go.”_ Ianto rose from his seat at the mention of the church, Branwen stepping out of his way as he moved to the bathroom, catching Eggsy’s eye but saying nothing.

“South Glade Mission Church. Merlin, get the plane ready.” Harry ordered, turning around and pulling his glasses off after Merlin's confirmation. He didn’t look at Ianto, eyes finding Eggsy who spoke up, having clearly thought about what Harry said.

“Harry, I’m so sorry. I’m gonna do ev-”

“You should be.” He interrupted. “You just stay right there, Ianto, look after him. I’ll sort this mess out when I get back.” And with that, Harry left without another word, Ianto and Eggsy moving from the bathroom as the front door swung shut.

“That was a cold thing to say.” Ianto said as Eggsy sighed.

“I know… I just couldn’t shoot JB.”

“I don’t think I could shoot Branwen, blank or not.“ 

~~~

Harry called as soon as he touched down in Kentucky, just as a check up that he’d arrived and not died on the way. He didn’t mention Eggsy or the fight they’d had and Ianto didn’t bring it up either, letting him hang up and head into the church. The sermon had started not long after and Ianto had left Eggsy to watch it on the laptop in Harry’s office, deciding they both needed some coffee and dinner, still wearing his glasses to listen in and frankly the sermon was terrifying to him, he didn’t understand how people could think like that with such prejudice and bigotry.

 _“Charming sermon.”_ Merlin said sarcastically over the radio. _“Can you see Valentine anywhere?”_ There was no reply from Harry but that wasn’t a surprise, he was in a crowded place. The coffee machine beeped, alerting Ianto to the brew having finished, and he put one of the mugs on the stand to be filled. A container of sugar waiting near his elbow and Branwen lingered close.

 _“Would you excuse me?”_ Harry’s voice spoke and Ianto took it that Valentine was not anywhere in the church. 

_“Where are you going?”_ A woman spoke, one Ianto didn’t recognise, probably a churchgoer. _“Hey. What’s your problem?”_

 _“I’m a Catholic whore currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works in a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.”_ Ianto didn’t hold off on the snort of amusement, taken slightly aback by what Harry said but finding it funny, hoping it shocked the woman to high hell for the things she believed in.

 _“Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are!”_ Ianto rolled his eyes, feeling mildly sorry that Harry had to deal with the woman and her persistence and hateful views but Ianto was also glad it wasn’t him there. “Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies! You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!”

“Holy fuck!” Eggsy suddenly exclaimed from Harry’s office and just as a gunshot boomed through the communication line, Ianto froze before regaining the ability to move and rushing to Harry’s office and skidding to a stop beside his friend who looked horrified. Ianto threw off his glasses as the church began to go wild, attacking on another as if they were at war. Harry then shot a person, then another, and another, Ianto losing count after Harry reloaded his gun and soon ran out of bullets again. Someone attacked him with a knife before he launched himself over a bench where a man was pinned dead. He tackled another who was shot dead then broke a pole in half and stabbed a guy in the chest with it. That was the point he ran out of ammunition, leaping over a table in the middle only to be rammed into. “Jesus fuck...” Eggsy hissed, looking away for a brief moment, Ianto wished he had that self-control, unable to tear his eyes away.

 _“Galahad, can you hear me? Harry! Harry, what the heck is going on?”_ Merlin asked desperately through the radio link but Harry didn’t answer, he just kept on killing and attacking people in a way Ianto knew Harry would never, not to innocent people. He kicked a man in the chest then turned on a woman, throwing her towards the organ, snapped a man’s neck then grabbed something and started to hit people with it. Someone was tackled by Harry before he was bashed with a chair, Ianto’s heart leaping as Harry fell only to get back up and deflect a knife by using a book as a shield and then a weapon then taking the knife for his own use. Harry punched, stabbed, and then, with his lighter, burnt people. More guns entered the fray by Harry used it to his own advantage, stealing it and killing more people until that too was empty.

A man with a large stick, sharp end came into view and Ianto’s eyes widened as he realised what Harry was going to do. Three people ended up skewered on it and Eggsy threw himself back, eyes shut again and Ianto was sure he’d throw up, having never seen so much blood shed. He broke a man’s spine, chopped a woman’s neck with an axe, blew people up including himself but only being stunned thankfully. Stabbed another, shot another, shot another again, then stabbed another too, dodged a chair then fired the gun again - Ianto couldn’t say where he got it from, too horrified to really take in the details - and it all ended finally when Harry impaled the last survivor with another broken stick right through the jaw.

Harry looked around and Ianto found he couldn’t speak, unsure of what exactly just happened and why, the whole church dead apart from Harry and by the way he looked around, Harry didn’t know why either. He moved towards the door, leaving the church only to be confronted with Valentine and his alien friend, and two armed henchmen.

“Of course.” Ianto whispered, they’d been behind it but just how did they cause it. They needed to figure out what kind of alien technology they were using so Ianto grabbed his phone, intending on calling Yvonne for backup.

 _“What did you do to me?”_ Harry asked Valentine who just nodded smugly. _“I had no control. I killed all those people. I wanted to.”_

 _“Clever, isn’t it? In simple terms, it’s a neurological wave that triggers the centres of aggression and switches off inhibitors, combied with alien technology to make it even better.”_ Ianto glanced at Eggsy, making a note of what Valentine said, hoping it would help narrow down the search.

 _“Transmitted through your nasty, free SIM cards, I assume.”_ Valentine walked closer to him.

_“Do you know what this is like? It’s like those old movies we both love. Now I’m gonna tell you my whole plan, and then I’m gonna come up with some absurd and convoluted way to kill you, and you’ll find an equally convoluted way to escape.”_

_“Sounds good to me.”_

_“Well, this ain’t that kind of movie.”_ He smiled slightly and abruptly brought out a gun, shooting. The feed went black and Ianto hardly registered his phone falling from his grip, horror flooding through his veins and gnawing at his stomach. Everything around Ianto went silent, slow, and he didn’t really notice it. He was beyond horrified now, the man he could call a father dead, shot down mercilessly after being forced to murder a whole church of people in cold blood. Ianto didn’t notice Eggsy leaving, nor did he notice when returned. Ianto also didn't remember leaving Harry's house, or getting into the car, or Eggsy driving, or showing up at the tailors, or climbing the stairs to the dining room. He didn’t come back to awareness until something hit his leg, looking around in surprise as he was now sat in the dining room of the Kingsman tailor shop, Arthur pouring out some drinks to his left and Eggsy opposite him, gesturing to his ear.

“And on this occasion, I think it’s acceptable for us... to bend the rules a little.” Arthur said, setting the decanter down.

“Are these all Kingsmen?” Eggsy queried, pointing at the paintings and making Arthur turn around. He then pointed to the man’s ear and Ianto squinted, seeing what he was trying to show him and Ianto tried not to let his reaction show. Arthur had a scar behind his ear, identical to all the others they had found, meaning Valentine had got to him too. Subtly, Ianto watched Eggsy switch two of the glasses then he caught sight of something on the desk which clued Ianto in as well.

“Yes, they’re, uh, founder members. I want you both to join me in a toast.” The leader then handed them both a small glass with a finger of brandy

“To Galahad.” Arthur toasted, lightly hitting his glass to Ianto’s then Eggsy.

“To Galahad.” Eggsy repeated. And with that, the three of them drank the brandy, setting the glasses down as Eggsy spoke again. “Harry says you don’t like to break rules, Arthur. Why now?”

“You’re very good, Eggsy. Perhaps I will make you my proposal for Galahad’s position. Provided, of course, that we can see eye to eye on certain political matters.” Ianto watched as Arthur picked up a pen that had been lying just in front of him. “Can you guess…” He started, pulling down the part of the pen that activates the poison it holds. “What this is?”

“I don’t have to; Harry showed me.” Eggsy replied, Ianto staying quiet as he observed the two of them, still reeling from earlier events. He knew he needed to get a hold of himself but Ianto just couldn’t right now. “You click it, I die. I thought that brandy tasted a bit shit.

“Bravo.” He laughed dryly.

“Valentine won you over... somehow.”

“Once he explained, I understood.” Arthur shifted and Ianto shared a look with Eggsy, glad he was here too. “A fever is brought on by a virus, the body's way of killing it. Planet Earth works the same way. Global warming is the fever. Mankind is the virus. Valentine proposed a cull, our only hope. If we don't reduce our population ourselves, there's only one of two ways this can go. The host kills the virus, or the virus kills the host. Either way, the result is the same. The virus dies.”

“So Valentine’s gonna take care of the population problem himself.

“Well, if we don’t do something, nature will. Sometimes a culling is the only way to ensure that this species survives. And history will see Valentine as the man who saved humanity from extinction.

“And he gets to pick and choose who gets culled, does he? All his rich mates, they get to live, and anyone he thinks is worth saving, he’s keeping them safe, whether they agree with him or not.”

“And you, Eggsy. In Harry’s honour, I am inviting you to be part of a new world.” He then turned to Ianto, a sickeningly content expression on his face” You, Ianto, can become the head of Torchwood, get Ms Hartman out of the way and it’s all yours. It’s time to make your decisions.” Ianto didn’t answer, looking back to Eggsy again, unable to think about having Yvonne killed just, so he could get a promotion. Millions of people being killed with all the richest and smartest and powerful safely tucked away wherever Valentine had them just because they were those things. The people deemed unworthy or weak were contended to die by the hands of others around them because of Valentine’s chip.

“I’d rather be with Harry. Thanks.” Eggsy sneered and Arthur didn’t hesitate.

“So be it.” He pointed the pen and activated it, only nothing happened to the two of them and instead Arthur jerked, his teeth gritting and eyes closing as the poison affected his own body. He gasped and swayed in his seat.

“The problem with us common types is that we’re light-fingered.” he picked up the glass, watching Arthur. “Kingsman’s taught me a lot, but sleight of hand? I had that down already.”

“You dirty little fucking prick!" Arthur swore with effort, reverting back to his more regional accent before he dropped down dead. Eggsy rose from his seat and picked up the pen as Ianto grabbed his glass, sipping out the brandy into it and grimacing.

“Didn’t swallow any, did you?” Eggsy asked as he took the cap off the pen and Ianto shook his head.

“Don’t think so, I’m not dead though, a good sign.” He said, picking up the decanter of brandy and taking off the lid, taking a small swig of the amber liquid and hissing. “Damn, that’s good.”

“Glad you’re enjoying it, look what I’ve got.” Ianto looked over and Eggsy held out the chip he’d just extracted from Arthur’s neck.

“That’s disgusting.” Ianto told him just as Arthur’s phone beeped, Ianto snatching it up to read the display.

_V-DAY STARTS IN_  
_**05:59:59** _  
_GET TO A SAFE ZONE OR FLY TO_  
_**66° 58’ 30.0” N / 61° 43’ 04,8” E** _


	7. Beware of pretty faces that you find. A pretty face can hide an evil mind

Roxy - or Lancelot as she was now - had her gun pointed at Eggsy as merlin checked out the message counting down on Arthur’s phone, Ianto just watching them quietly and trying to keep his thoughts from wandering off track to Harry and his murder. Once they’d arrived, Merlin had been unable to catch his eye and Ianto knew he’d be just as, if not more, affected than Ianto was and Ianto was no good at comfort, so he’d said nothing. Just tried to keep his own emotions under wraps

“It’s okay, Lancelot. Put it down. It’s verified.” Merlin reassured so Roxy lowered the gun and Eggsy dropped his arms to his sides. “Arthur’s phone is receiving update texts about getting to safety-- we don’t have a lot of time.”

“What are you gonna do?” Eggsy asked and Ianto remembered he wasn’t a part of Kingsman anymore, he just knew about them.

“Question is, what are we gonna do? God knows who’s in Valentine’s pocket and who’s not. We have no choice. We’re gonna have to deal with this ourselves.” Merlin’s eyes met him and Ianto nodded subtly, ready to do whatever was needed. “Follow me.” He told them, leading the three of them to one of their stored planes, getting them all on board before taking off. Merlin, after securing auto-pilot, grabbed a large zipped bag with the Torchwood logo on it, something Ianto had sent down with him after they’d learnt that Valentine had his own satellites.

“Torchwood?” Eggsy raised an eyebrow, looking at Ianto who just raised an eyebrow, stalking towards the back room of the airplane and revealing the secret compartment, snatching himself a gun seeing as he'd left his own back at Harry's place along with his holsters. Thankfully, Merlin was always prepared for all of them, a new set hanging up that Ianto also took and fitted on under his blazer. Now he felt ready to fight some bastards.

“I have no idea who they are.” Roxy said and Ianto sat forward as Merlin joined them.

“A gift from my organisation to yours.” Ianto told them and Roxy watched him confused while the cogs in Eggsy’ head seemed to start working. “A prototype personal trans-atmospheric vehicle, not our finest but it’s what we need.

“We’re gonna take out one of Valentine’s satellites. We’re gonna break the chain, stop the signal.” Merlin inputted, leaning towards the other two in his seat. “It’ll take him a couple of hours to reroute it, which buys us enough time for you to get me into Valentine’s mainframe, so I can shut it down. Lancelot, you’re gonna be using it. Get into your halo suit.” Eggsy and Roxy nodded but Ianto saw the slight panic in Roxy’s gaze, thinking back to her fear of heights.

Some time into the journey, Ianto found himself holding the small neck chip between two tweezers and in front of a magnifying glass. The plane was well on its way to the coordinates, but they were going to make a quick stop to let Roxy jump out and take the trans-atmospheric vehicle up into space.

“Merlin, it looks like the implant can emit some kind of counter signal to ensure the wearer remains unaffected by the waves from the SIM cards.” Ianto glanced at the man sitting not too far away, watching Ianto closely.

“The waves that turn everyone into a psycho killer.” Eggsy pointed out from the chair at Ianto’s side, having forgotten slightly that he was there and far too engrossed in his work.

“Exactly, though nobody but Valentine probably knew the chips could also super-heat their soft tissue at his command. Valentine selected his chosen few to get the countdown warning, but he had to be sure they didn’t spill to the wrong people beforehand.”

“How does this help us right now?” Eggsy asked.

“It doesn’t really.”

“Alright then.” Merlin got up, heading to the cabin while Ianto set the chip down. “Roxy! Here we go!”

They touched down smoothly on a large, mostly flat bit of land, snow covering everything and beautiful mountains in the distance. It looked like an image you’d find on a postcard but much prettier and breathtaking in real life and Ianto couldn’t help but snap a pic, knowing Rhiannon would like it. He then joined the others, helping Roxy set up with two large, inflatable balloons attached to the rig, waiting to take her up.

“The higher you go, the more the balloons expand. When you reach the edge of the atmosphere, they’ll explode.” Ianto explained to her, smiling at her encouragingly to which she returned a slightly less comfortable one. “You’ll need to deploy your missile just before that, okay?”

“The edge of the atmosphere.” She repeated.

“Once you’ve deployed, you’ll need to release for descent fast. Good luck.” He gently squeezed her hand, moving back to let Eggsy talk to her before heading back into the plane.

“Eggsy, come on! Time is not our friend.” Merlin warned as Ianto climbed the stairs."Oh, Ianto, this is for you." He held out a case, one for holding suits, Ianto noticed and he raised an eyebrow at Merlin. "We're always prepared." Was all he said and Ianto smiled,taking it and stalking to the back room. It didn't take long to get out of his day-to-day clothes, just a simple pair of jeans, leather jacket, and a white shirt, swapping them for his suit.This one was a simple charcoal grey, with notched lapels. The shirt was a gentle pink with the tie black with a similar shade of pink striping it. Ianto tied it into a windsor knot, shot his cuffs, and flattened it down. Oxford shoes came next then Ianto snatched himself a gun, seeing as he'd left his own back at Harry's place along with his holsters. Thankfully, Merlin was always prepared for all of them, a new set hanging up that Ianto also took and fitted on under his blazer. Now he felt ready to fight some bastards. Heading back to the main part of the plan, Ianto got himself comfortable and not too long after, they took off, Eggsy taking his seat and Merlin rooting through the same storage spaces for Eggsy's suit. “You’re both getting in on Arthur’s invitation. You’re gonna need to blend in.”

“Who’s Arthur then?” Eggsy asked with a smirk, looking at Ianto who just rolled his eyes.

“I don’t care, his invitation’s in his phone.” He handed Eggsy the phone. “Give them this. Give his real name: Chester King.”

“What about you?”

“I’m your pilot, I’m gonna stay here.”

“Is that gonna fit me?” He queried, referring to the bag Merlin held.

“A bespoke suit always fits.” A look overcame Eggsy’s face as he realised just what suit it was and Ianto chewed on his bottom lip, feeling his grief rise up again. “Just be grateful Harry had it made for you. Get dressed.” Things fell quiet as Eggsy moved into the back room of the plane, Ianto bouncing his leg where he sat and Merlin staring at his monitors.

“I know you want to talk about it.” Merlin eventually broke the quiet, his voice low but not a whisper.

“We’re going to have it, but it can wait.” Ianto told him, sighing.

“I don’t think it can.” He turned his chair, facing Ianto properly and Ianto slumped back in his seat.

“I know that this job is risky and agents die but fuck… I wasn’t ready for it.”

“I don’t think anyone can ever be ready for something like that.” Merlin watched him and Ianto rubbed a hand over his face, unshed tears building in his eyes again as he thought about it all, the flash and crack of Valentine’s gun playing in his mind over and over again now. 

“I just- I didn’t think he’d shoot him right there and then.” Ianto sniffed, reaching into his breast pocket and pulling out the pocket square to wipe his eyes. “I-I can’t imagine how you’re feeling.” Merlin got out of his seat and Ianto watched him move into the seat next to him, shuffling closer and wrapping his arm around Ianto’s shoulder.

“It… definitely hurts. ” He admitted and Ianto nodded, leaning closer to him. He didn’t miss the featherlight kiss pressed to his head nor the way Merlin’s own breath hitched. “I’ll miss him, pa.”

“We all will, son.” They stayed like that for a bit, until the Eggsy returned, the man not commenting if he saw the wetness of Ianto’s eyes or the uneasiness of Merlin's voice, instead, standing proud in his suit and looking amazing.

“Looking good, Eggsy.”

“Feeling good, Merlin.”

Merlin moved to the pilot’s seat when Valentine’s base came into view, taking up the controls while Ianto sat as his passenger and Eggsy watched from just behind them.

“This is November-2-4-7-Charlie-Kilo, requesting permission to land.”

“Permission is granted.” Came through the radio and Ianto’s glasses began to pick up the multiple of enemies, 60 in total and the two anti-aircraft missiles waiting to shoot down those unwanted.

“Fuck me.” Eggsy muttered and Merlin nodded slowly, Ianto feeling pretty much the same and followed Eggsy into the back of the plane as Merlin got them landed.

“Guys, we’re on.” The plane door opened and Eggsy stood at the top, looking around before slowly descending the stairs, Ianto following along just a step behind and noticing there was one woman and two guard, both armed and in snow camouflage. Eggsy handed the phone to the woman

“Chester King and my partner, Ifan King.”

“Mr. King, welcome. I’m sure you’ve adhered to Valentine’s strict no-weapons policy, but if you don’t object.”

“Of course.” She ran a scanner over Eggsy’s body, finding no weapons of the sort but really they were armed with things other than guns.

“Thank you. Do you two have any luggage?” She asked and Eggsy turned to Merlin, who was watching the whole thing from the plane door.

“Congratulations, Mycroft, you just graduated from my pilot to my valet.” The man didn’t look all too happy about that but Eggsy just smiled a shit eating grin and winked while Ianto got scanned. “Understood? Good.” The woman gave him back the phone. “Thank you.” She then gestured for them to follow and Ianto held back from rolling his eyes as Eggsy held his arm out for Ianto to take. He did, with a gentle smile and to play the part as they were escorted from the runway and through a corridor which has multiple doors on either side and angry but muffled voices coming through.

 _“Either one of you, find a laptop, get me online. The clock is ticking. And remember, try to blend in.”_ Merlin advised through their comms. They continued to follow the woman until they reached the main area which was teeming with people who had most definitely agreed to Valentines terms, and we’re chipped. All seems to be chipper and enjoying themselves despite a worldwide cull having been scheduled to happen in 18 minutes time. A man approached them.

“Would sirs care for a drink?”

“Martini.” Eggsy answered. “Gin, not vodka, obviously. Stirred for ten seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth. Thank you.” Ianto couldn’t stop his eye roll that time, smiling and knowing Harry had taught him that, declining his own offer for a drink. The butler left and the two of them moved around the room, looking about so that Merlin could get a good image of everything going on. “Merlin, are you clocking this?”

_“Yes, I am. Stay focused.”_

“I’d scan for alien tech but I’m pretty sure everyone here bar us would light up.” Ianto informed Eggsy who nodded just slightly. “We’ll split up, look for a laptop or computer or something.” Ianto let go of Eggsy’s arm, slipping through the small spaces between people, listening to their idle chatter, some obviously not in English and Ianto unable to translate as he heard it.

_“Lancelot, you’re doing great. Not much further to go.”_

_“Yes, Merlin.”_

_“Guys, get me online now.”_

“Yep, I’m on it.” Eggsy answered.

_“Lancelot, you’re approaching your altitude limit. Those balloons won’t last much longer. Prepare to engage missile.”_

“ _Society’s dead. Long live society.”_ Eggsy spoke and another voice came through, one Ianto slightly recognised.

 _“Amen to that. I’m Morten Lindstrom.”_ It took a moment for Ianto to piece together that he was the Swedish Prime Minister, not completely surprised he’d been taken into Valentine’s ring even if he was preaching that they’d rescue the missing VIPs and stop the culprit.

_“Chester King. How did you get online? I couldn’t.”_

_“Oh, well, it’s a closed network, you see. Pre-authorized connections only.”_

_“Ah.”_

_“I’ve got a fix on the satellite.”_

_“Do you have the correct time? I think I’m still in my last time zone.”_

_“Oh, yeah, yeah. Let’s see now-”_ The link went quiet and Ianto assumed Eggsy had procured himself a laptop or something, still moving through the crowds and keeping an eye out for anything. He glanced at the large area on the opposite side of the room, large windows that overlooked them, definitely where Valentine was.

_“Eggsy, I’m in, get your arse back to the plane immediately.” Merlin ordered. “You too Ianto.”_

_“Oh my way.”_ Eggsy answered.

“Me too.” Ianto began to push past people, keeping his walk calm but a little quicker than before, heading towards the exit.

 _“Lancelot, good luck. Firing in 3.. 2-”_  
  
_“Nice and slow.”_ Ianto stopped in his tracks. Charlie...

_“The fuck are you doing here?”_

_“Well my family were invited, obviously.”_ Charlie sneered at Eggsy. _“Now get the fuck up. Slowly.”_ The two then appeared at the railing of the upper balcony, his arm around Eggsy’s neck with a knife in hand. Eggsy looked more annoyed at being near Charlie than being held hostage and Ianto held back from interfering, there was no need to give away both their positions.

_“Oh, shit. Lancelot, hurry up and fire! That other balloon is gonna blow!”_

_“Yes Merlin. I’ve nearly got it. Give me a second!”_

“Valentine! I’ve caught a fucking spy!” Charlie announced to everyone and Valentine appeared at the window to take a look. Eggsy then struck, using his signet ring to electrocute Charlie then shifting out of his hold and socking him right in the face. He fell down like a sack of bricks and Eggsy vaulted the railing and racing from the room. Ianto made to follow except the screen changed from 00:16:23 to 00:02:00 and a voice telling them that the countdown was initiated.

“Shit…”


	8. Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow

_ “Eggsy take a left, two guard up ahead.”  _ Merlin advised in his ear, taking the turn he suggested and running head first into the guards. Eggsy ducked, sliding across the red floor and kicking his foot out and hitting one hand’s ankle. He fell, the gun stopped firing and Eggsy launched himself over him, rolling and springing back up to grab the second man’s wrist as he began to shoot. Taking the gun from him, Eggsy used it to shoot down the first man and one of the three that just showed up. The remaining two took shots at him and Eggsy used all of his momentum to flip himself and the guard in his hold, using him as cover as he shot a pipe that blinded the men

_ "Lancelot, release now!”  _ His thought briefly flashed to Roxy, hoping his friend was doing better than he was as he took off, running down the corridors. He fired, killing a man that appeared instantly

_ “Eggsy, straight ahead, then right. There’s two more.”  _ He shot at the new arrivals, running past the first one who was downed and straight into the second one and tackling him and rolling, aiming and firing at more guards, breathing heavily as they slumped dead. 

_ “Alright, everybody on your feet! Countdown to V-day! Welcome in the new age!”  _ Valentine’s voice announced through the speaker system and Eggsy scowled, confident in Roxy, knowing she’d be able to take the satellite down before anything happened. Pushing the man off him, Eggsy took off again, aiming his best as he fired back at guards trying to kill him. He was ever so thankful their suits came bullet proof otherwise he was sure he’d have died already, also glad the men were incapable of getting headshots. He took down a couple more men, passing other corridors which just brought more and more guards his way.

_ “Eggsy, next left, down the narrow tunnel!”  _ He took a turn, finding the tunnel, finding around seven or so men in his way and easily taking down a few before using the close walls to his advantage. He leapt to the side, pushing off the uneven right wall with his foot towards the left side, moving forward and jumping down onto one of the still standing guard, 

_ “Here we go! Ten, nine, eight.”  _ Eggsy approached a guard, grabbing onto him and using his body to roll over, firing another bullet to the man who’d followed along behind him. _ “Seven, six, five.”  _ He hit his arm against a guard, knocking the gun from his hand and flipping him over, killing his colleague with a single shot and his last bullet. _ “Four, three, two, one!” _

_ “Nice! Well done, both of you.”  _ Merlin praised and Eggsy scooped up one of the guard’s guns, glancing around now that everything was quiet, picking himself up off the ground and taking off to get back to the plane.

“Yes! Well done, Rox. Good girl.” He smiled, voice low as he moved through empty corridors and tunnels, elated that they’d done something right. He turned a corner just in time to see four guards waiting in the entrance way to the runway, lifting his gun and pulling the trigger. Only, no bullets came out and the gun clicked, empty, Eggsy berating himself for not checking beforehand. “Fuck... Merlin!” The men turned, but they were quickly shot down by Merlin himself.

“Get in here!” He shouted and Eggsy didn’t need to be told twice, running towards the plane and stumbling as Merlin fired again, not wanting to look back at the man that might have just killed him. “C’mon!” it was a relief to get back on the plane, taking a seat and panting.

“Where’s Ianto?” he asked, noticing they were missing one on the plane.

“He was with you.” Merlin told him, frowning. “Ianto? Ianto, answer me.” They waited a second but nothing came through and Merlin cursed under his breath. “You can find him on your way back in, I can’t get into Valentine’s machine, he’s got biometric security. You’ve got to make sure his hand never touches that desk.”

“Are you taking the fucking piss?”

“I’m afraid not.” Merlin deadpanned and Eggsy sighed, getting up out of his seat. He pointed to the gun Merlin still held.

“Let’s have that then.”

“Uh-uh. This is mine. I’ll show you yours.” He gestured to the room at the back, Eggsy following along and shutting the door behind him as Merlin tilted a small painting that hung up askew. Then, the back wall slid down, revealing an assortment of things, from guns, to knives, to more glasses, and right in the middle was the Kingsman umbrella. Eggsy felt smug just looking at it, itching forward and taking the umbrella off its stand, Harry would approve.

“Good choice.”

They moved to the door, weapons ready as it opened up and scanning the place but finding it empty of guards to their luck. “Go.” Merlin told him, and he took the stairs quickly, sprinting his way back down the same corridors, determined to stop Valentine and find Ianto too, he wasn’t going to let anyone else he loved die.

_ “Eggsy, Valentine’s using someone else’s satellite. He’s going to reconnect the chain. It’s going to take him no time at all. It’s at twenty percent!”  _ He kept moving through the corridors, only finding the dead bodies he’d left behind and listening in as Merlin spoke to him. _ “Eggsy, it seems Valentine’s got a present for you. Get a move on!”  _ He slid round a corner, using his hand to slow himself down then straightening up and sprinting on. His luck did run out though as he eventually came face to face with awaiting guards, opening up his bulletproof umbrella as the man took fire, the thing shaking as the bullets collided but didn’t tear through, the mode set to shotgun which easily blew them away with one shot as if they were bowling pins. It didn’t take all of them though and Eggsy turned, firing again just as a man with a high-powered rifle joined the fray. This time, his bullets tore the umbrella’s canvas, Eggsy narrowly dodging the bullet and the display shutting down. He peered through the hole in time to dodge a second bullet then a third, rifling through his pocket and pulling out one of the hand grenades lighters. Eggsy set it to blow, throwing it in the guards direction and watching it explode, taking care of the men and letting Eggsy move on.

He made it to a part that split into to, deciding on a whim to take the left however as he made a few strides down it, a bunch more guards appear, blocking his way, so Eggsy doubled back, shooting as he did, to take the right yet when he got halfway down, he got cut off by another lot of men. Using his arm to shield his face from the bullets, Eggsy stopped then manoeuvred his way to the side, using one of the doors as cover thanks to the frame the outstretched past the door itself.

“Merlin, I’m fucked.” He admitted, men blocking him from both sides.

_ “As am I.” _ Came the reply, no helping command or advice but Eggsy couldn’t necessarily blame him.

“They’re coming at me from both sides, I’m out of options. Rox- Rox, I need a favour. Call my mum. Tell her to lock herself away from Dean, and the baby… and… tell her I love her.” He leaned his head back and closed his eyes as guns were cocked on either side, hating that they weren’t able to save the day this time, knowing Harry would have been able to if he were dead.

An explosion went off and Eggsy tried not to flinch, however, rather than being greeted with pain or the white pearly gates of Heaven, more explosions followed in a sort of beat, and he opened his eyes, taking a change and peering past the door frame. He frowned in confusion, watching as the guard’s heads began to erupt, one man’s hat whizzing past. It continued on to the rest of the men on Eggsy’s right side, distant bangs echoing down the corridors telling Eggsy that it wasn’t just the guards the went up light fireworks. He smiled to himself, somehow they’d done it.

“Merlin, you’re a fucking genius!”

_ “That is fucking spectacular! Only, it wasn’t my idea.”  _ Merlin confessed and Eggsy was about to ask Roxy if it was hers but remembered she’;d have no way of accessing Valentine’s system. That left one person and Eggsy let out a whoop of excitement as that one person _ finally _ spoke on the comms.

_ “Sorry, yeah. That was mine.” _

~~~

Ianto grimaced to himself, his suit covered in brain gunk as he sat in the booth, the Swedish President’s head having exploded just opposite him and coated him in fluids and bits of flesh, enough to make anyone hurl. The laptop screen in front of him flash  _ SECURITY IMPLANTS ACTIVATED  _ in green text, code waiting behind it that Ianto had successfully hacked into all because of his handy PDA

_ “You motherfucker. Did you really think I was stupid enough to implant one of those things in my own head?”  _ Valentine spoke over the system speakers and Ianto sighed, his hopes had been high that Valentine had had his head blown up but the man really wasn’t that dumb.  _ “What are you, fucking crazy? All those innocent people killed, and for what? You didn’t stop shit!” _

Ianto’s heart lurched, and he tapped his glasses, bringing up the call button and inputting his sister’s number with his eyes. He didn’t care about stopping Valentine right now, he just needed to warn Rhiannon.

_ “Ianto, what a surprise, you’re calling me for once.”  _ She didn’t sound too happy with him and Ianto knew it was because he’d hardly called her over the past year, busy with the Kingmen, more so than he was with Torchwood already on his plate, and he’d had to miss Johnny’s birthday - which wasn’t the worst thing.

“Rhi, I know, but I don’t have time. Did you get one of those free SIM cards?”

_ “Of course, got them for the kids and Johnny too.” _

“Shit…Okay, where is everyone?”

_ “Johnny’s at work, David’s in the garden and Micah is playing on the PS4, why?” _

“I need you to keep the kids separate, you too. I don’t have time to explain but it’s for their safety.”

_ “It’s still happening!” _ Valentine shouted over the speakers and Ianto spared a quick glance towards his window, ignoring the Swedish President’s headless corpse.

_ “What? Ianto, you can’t just tell me that and not explain!”  _ Rhiannon moaned at him and Ianto rubbed his nose, closing down the laptop.

“I know, I know but I can’t just yet… Please? Do it for me?” Rhiannon sighed down the phone, promising she would. “Thank you and Rhi… I love, stay safe.”

“I love you too, you idiot.” Ianto managed a small smile before ending the call, now he had to stop Valentine, stepping over Charlie's body and sneaking his way down the stairs then into the corridor, finding the nearest dead guard and stealing his gun, which was almost fully loaded. Though, he took an extra lot of bullets just in case. His handgun wasn't the right tool for the job right now. He entered back into the room just as small fireworks jand large sparklers went off, music playing deafeningly. It was hauntingly happy and celebratory despite all the dead bodies around it and nobody there to join in.

_ “Ianto, Eggsy, the signal’s started! Get Valentine’s hand off that bloody desk now!” _

The oversized monitor on the wall displayed the different places being affected by the signal, London coming up as Ianto spotted the Gazelle watching it. He didn’t waste time, taking aim and shooting at the glass, almost immediately the signal stopped

_ “You did it!” _ Merlin confirmed but Ianto didn’t stop, determined to shatter the glass.

“Merlin, I’ve got to get up there.” Ianto said, first lot of bullets gone.

_ “Keep shooting, I’ll find a route.” _

“Understood.” He had just replaced his ammo when the glass burst into little pieces, looking up to see the Gazelle launching herself through the window, gun pointed at him and firing. None hit any flesh but Ianto felt them bounce off his suit, aiming his own weapon only the end to be sliced off by the Gazelle’s prosthetics which were sharper than Ianto originally thought. He moved out of her path just in time, and she rolled, getting up as Ianto chucked his useless gun away. They advanced on each other quickly, the Gazelle kicking out and Ianto watching as the thin blade skimmed past his head in almost slow motion. She didn’t give up though, trying again but this time Ianto blocked it with his arms, feeling his heart ache as the blades sliced through the suit but not deep enough to cut his skin. The Gazelle was quick, but so was Ianto, arching backwards as the blade came for his face again.

Ianto let out a small gasp of surprise as the lights and music abruptly started up again, distracted only for a brief moment but it was enough for the Gazelle to get in a hit. Hot and immense pain lit up through his left shoulder, and he cried out as he fell back against the floor, just as Valentine called from his spot.

“We’re back up! We’re back up!” The Gazelle looked smug in the low light, advancing on Ianto with a merciless look in her eye. Ianto shuffled backwards, fingers digging into the material of his suit where it hurt the most in a futile attempt to stop the pain. He shakily reached for his handgun, pulling it from his holster however his hand was slick with blood and his aim unsteady as the pain clouded his mind.

“This is great!” Valentine laughed and Ianto swallowed as the Gazelle stopped just in front of him, holding her blade just under his neck, the metal tip cold against his skin.

_ “Eggsy! Get a move on! Ianto needs you!”  _ Merlin shouted down the comms and that was the last thing he heard before everything went black.


	9. Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop posted them all in one

Eggsy came skidding into the room, pulling the trigger on his gun before he even really got a look at the situation, hoping it would hit foe rather than friend. There was the sound of metal hitting metal and through the bright lights, Eggsy could see the woman deflecting his bullets with inhumane speed. He ran forward, still firing until his gun clicked empty and a precise kick from the woman sent it flying. Eggsy backed away, as did she, assessing the situation as Valentine called down to them.

“Kick his ass, Gazy!” The woman took that as her cue, striding towards him and Eggsy ducked under her incoming leg, spinning around only for her to block his incoming fist then grab the next one and elbow him in the rib. It sent a shock through his body, but he didn’t let that stop him. The woman got a well aimed slap right on his cheek and as he turned back to her, Eggsy went in for his own only for it to miss. She collided with him next, grabbing his torso and lifting her leg up for it to reach his face but Eggsy was quick enough for it to not hit his target. Part of him couldn’t believe he was fighting an alien.

“Seoul, Caracas, Mumbai!” Eggsy was thrown towards a table, picking up some sort of pipe and swinging it her way. She dogged, falling to the floor but that didn’t seem to stop the alien, Eggsy taking another swing only for her to lift herself up into a handstand, blades clanking against the pipe and giving her time to get back onto her feet. “Gazelle, kill that motherfucker! He killed all our friends!”

Somehow, Eggsy ended up on the floor with the alien performing a flare which he thought was frankly over the top, yet he was still alive. He scrambled back, managing to leap over her, so he wasn’t cornered any longer however his weapon had been sliced in two.

 _“Eggsy, the world is going to shit!”_ Merlin muttered in his ear, and he knew he’d have to stop Valentine quicker.

“Is he dead yet?!” Valentine asked.

“Not yet!” She called back, stalking towards him and Eggsy brought his fists up

“Stop playing with your food! Kill him!” Valentine ordered and her face suddenly morphed, her mouth opening larger than humanly possible and roaring at him, throwing spit everywhere with two lizard-like tongues whipped out. It was horrible yet fascinating, he’d never seen an alien before, however, his observation was brought to an abrupt halt as her walk turned into a full-blown sprint, Eggsy having just enough time to duck. She jumped, prosthetics hitting the half wall just behind him and as Eggsy tried to roll away from her, she backflipped off the edge, following him along and missing him by a hair's breadth each time until he took the chance and launched himself to the side. Eggsy landed near a headless body, grimacing at the sight but picking up a silver tray which he used to try to hit the woman but like most of their fight, they were too good, both dodging and both missing constantly until the tray was cut in two and a knee collided just above his crotch. Any lower, and he would have been down but Eggsy got a good kick in too, his shoe slamming into her chest and sending them both falling and either directions.

A table broke behind him and Eggsy looked up at the alien yelled in frustration, already up on her feet and coming at him. Eggsy picked himself up fast, making his way towards her across the floor, jumping just as she did, angling his body so when she brought her blades up they missed by a mile, and he was able to knock his heels together, the small blade sliding out. It was awkward, but he brought his leg up and watched as the blade touched her exposed forearm before they both tumbled to the floor. He hit the ground hard, his body complaining as he slowly got back up and found his tie had been cut and ruined. The alien stood opposite him, letting out one last horrid screech as her skin turned a green with poison.

“Gazelle! Gazelle!”

 _“Come on, come on! Kill him!”_ Merlin urged and Eggsy darted forward, yanking one of the prosthetics free with effort, taking a few steps back and bringing out the blade. Valentine still has his back to him and Eggsy took aim, moving forward and throwing the blade like a javelin. It flew through the air nicely before coming to a stop right through Valentine’s back and just like that, the signal stopped and the man stumbled towards the edge and fell. _“Well done son!”_

“Yes! Yes, Eggsy!” Roxy cheered through the comms.

 _“Well done. And you, Lancelot. Harry would be proud of you, Eggsy. He was right.”_ Taking his time, Eggsy slowly walked over to where Valentine had landed, wanting to make sure he was dead, disappointment hitting when he found the man still alive.

“What’s up, man?” He said though his voice was trained, the blade poking out through his chest. “Is this the part where you say some really bad pun?” Eggsy watched him, leaning closer to him.

“Well, it’s like you said to Harry. This ain’t that kind of movie, bruv.” Valentine smiled a weak smile.

“Perfect.” Then he was gone, it was over, they’d saved the world.”

 _“Eggsy, try not to forget Ianto this time.”_ Merlin advised and Eggsy stopped from where he had moved away from Valentine, he did have a Princess waiting for him but that could be put old hold, eyes wide and looking around.

“Shit, Ianto!”

~~~

Despite having spent the most of his adult life fighting aliens, saving the world, dealing with death and the threat of his own, Ianto had never been this nervous for anything. He chewed on his bottom lip and his leg would be bouncing if he wasn’t standing so instead his fingers tapped on his leg. Ianto was beyond nervous at this point, but he shouldn’t be, he wasn’t fighting aliens, saving the world (this time), or on the verge of death. Ianto was standing outside a house on the Cromwell Estate, the sound of kids laughing inside, TV muffled through the door, and Ianto couldn’t muster the courage to simply ring the doorbell.

It had been months since he’d phoned his sister telling her to keep the kids safe and that he loved her. Everything was over, all traces if Valentine's alien tech gone and no signs of the Gazelle species anywhere else. During the clean up process and other things, he hadn’t had time to call on her since and Ianto knew as soon as she’d see him, she’d be mad. That wasn’t exactly what he was afraid of, he didn’t want her to be so angry that she didn’t want to see him any more, that’s all. Taking a breath, Ianto lifted a hand to press the small round button for the bell, hearing it chime and taking a step back and breathing. A nudge at his thigh brought Ianto’s attention, and he looked down, Branwen standing at his side, her tongue lolled out to the side of her mouth and her tail wagging furiously, it was a sight that would make anyone smile, and it managed to cool some of his nerves. Though, he didn’t deny that he froze up when the door swung open.

“Ianto.” Came a gasp and Ianto moved his gaze, settling it on the face of his sister, her eyes a little wide and hand pressed to her chest.

“Hey.” Was all he could think to say, waving slightly.

“Hey? Hey?! Ianto Thomas Huw Jones, you cannot just show up on my doorstep after god knows how long and say 'hey!'" She howled and Ianto took another step back, Branwen whimpering quietly. “Where in God’s name have you been! I’ve been calling you, you don’t answer, and now you show up like nothing happened! The thing with everyone going crazy and violent happened and there’s no word from you, for all I knew, you’d been killed-!” Promptly, Rhiannon slapped her hand over her face and burst into tears, having probably kept that locked away inside for the whole time and Ianto making an appearance having been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“Rhi- shit, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Ianto moved closer to her, enveloping her in an awkward hug because that was just how he was. Rhiannon wrapped her arms around him, body shaking slightly and Ianto lightly patted her back, not really sure what to do, just standing in the doorway as she let it all out.

It was almost a relief when she fell quiet and stood back, holding Ianto out at arms length and looking him up and down.

“Your arm…” She said softly and Ianto lifted the one he knew she was referring to, looking at the limb on his left side that was no longer made of flesh and bone but of metal and tech. The Gazelle had cut the thing off cleaning, right from the shoulder but just below the joint. He’d woken up in the hospital wards down at Torchwood Tower, Yvonne greeting him with a pleasant smile and his arm gone. It had been rather a shock but Torchwood was the leading company in making prosthetics, even if it was just for their staff only and the world didn’t know about them.

“Occupational hazard?” He offered, eyebrow raised and a nervous smile.

“I don’t think many civil servants become amputees on the job.” She sighed. “Come in, we have a lot of talking to do and the kids have missed you- when did you get a dog?”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, kudos, and constructive critisism are always appricated  
> Tumblr: bee-haw-yee-haw


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